Embrace The SUCK!!!!

I guess before I discuss the suck portion of this post I should be thankful for all the positives.  My family is all healthy, we have a roof over our head that isn't leaking or otherwise giving us issues, I'm blessed to be able to stay at home with my children, my husband has a good paying job and enjoys his work and works well with most of his co workers.


Part of the issue with the job is this, right now we live about 45 min. to an hour away from the job.  Hubby doesn't want to deal with the drive especially since his ride is a big gas guzzler.  What this means is that our lease in our current location is up in Nov.  Hubby wants to have a lease signed for a new place by Nov. 1 so we can take the time for the entire month to move from one location to the other.  Don't mind at all but our current location is a 4 bedroom townhouse in a condo community with a 2 car garage, and of course the garage is fully loaded with NO CARS PARKED IN IT.  So we have to find a place with 4 bedrooms and a two car garage to transfer all our stuff from one location to the other.  The other issue is he doesn't want to live in another townhouse condo environment, he wants a house with a YARD for the kids and his canoe (eye roll).  OK great, right?  WRONG!  We need to rent space because the job may move him again by 2016 to Tallahassee from where he currently works.  The other issue?  There are more properties for sale then their are for rent.  Also in the current housing market we'd pay less to buy a home then we would if we rented space.  Of course I'm scouting all this crap out online by myself because of course hubby is busy with work and when he gets home he doesn't want to deal with anything, he comes home changes out of work clothes, expects food on the table and then hides in his cave with his computer games.  No reason at all why I should be upset, annoyed and just in general pissed off at the entire situation.  Right now I'm wishing I had just stayed in GA.  Wouldn't even care if I had stayed there without the husband at this point.  he's not around much even when he's here.

What abortion really looks like....

http://iowntheworld.com/blog/?p=128933 So I've got friends who think nothing about an abortion or forcing a miscarriage just because they don't want to be pregnant or because they can't afford to have another child.  I'm scared at what a throw away society we have become.  I don't understand how people can be so blase about abortion.  I wonder if people really think about all that has to happen in order for them to get pregnant.  They are only concerned about the here and now, they don't think about later on down the road when they look back and wonder about that child they purposely had torn from their bodies and didn't take the time to get to know.  Those people will be the ones wondering what their child could have been, the person that they could have grown in to if they had only had a chance.  As some one who miscarried twice I know I could never willingly go through the mental anguish and torture of having an abortion.  I frequently think about the pregnancies that ended in miscarriage shortly after I found out I was pregnant and still wonder what could have been.  I couldn't even imagine the women who have had abortions who regret that decision and have such God aweful horrible dreams about the lives they terminated.

What an Easter Surprise!

So a few days ago I confirmed that I'm pregnant!  I had started testing before the beginning of the month and the red dye tests were making me crazy because of how they were reading.  Finally when I got together with Josh at his parents house I bought a digital test.  Wasn't sure what I wanted to see on that test more, pregnant or not pregnant?  So now I'm going to try and take it easy and pray that we carry to full term.  The due date for this little bundle of joy is December 17th.  I did tell Josh no more traveling til I have the 9 week ultrasound just to make sure things are going well.  I'm still freaking out that I could potentially miscarry.  Life is going to be nuts with Josh away at school and no support system here, I'll essentially be by myself to take care of every thing!  I did tell the family right away because I could sure use the extra prayers for a healthy pregnancy.  I'm hoping now that I'm back home and will be in my own bed that I'll be able to sleep through the night with no issues.  Also hoping I don't have issues with nasea and vomitting all that often.  I did manage to find a prenatal vitamin that I can take that doesn't make me feel like hammered ass.  Might keep those specifically for when I travel and use the others that I have here to take at night before going to bed.  Funny how I stock piled on prenatals and have enough to last me a couple of years damn near.

In my grief I'll trade mark your name!!!!!!

WTF is wrong with society?  The Treyvon Martin case is being so sensationalized it isn't even funny.  Another Rodney King.  Funny how everyone is crying out about how Martin lost his life and will have no second chances to fix his life.  No one is talking about how a man has to live with the choice that he made to shoot a kid in self defense and took his life.  No one is talking about the fact that this man has to wake up with night sweats seeing this kids face in his dreams.  The media hasn't really told Zimmerman's side of the story but they sure are having a field day with idiots like his mother who is out there trade marking her sons name.  Idiots like Spike Lee run around spouting off at the mouth giving the public an address he believes belongs to George Zimmerman which in turn has an elderly couple scared for their lives!  Way to perpetrate the race baiting Mr. Lee.  Oh yeah lets not forget the bounty put on Mr. Zimmerman's head by the black panthers.  But the media doesn't mention any of this.  Funny how people are quick to think its OK for a black lynch mob to go after a white guy but a one on one confrontation where a black kid ended up dead because he made bad choices and chose to confront the wrong guy instead of going for help if he felt threatened has become a reason to rally and fight and feel victimized.

As some one who looking back walked through some pretty seedy parts of town before the sun came up and after the sun went down, I'm thankful that if I was ever being followed no one chose to approach me and do me bodily harm.  Why was I walking streets at 5 AM and 10 PM?  Because I was a college student taking public transportation to a college a few towns over and in order to make my 8 AM classes I had to be at the bus station at 6 AM when the bus left.  When I decided to persue another degree I attended a local county college in my home city and was taking night classes again after the busses weren't running as frequently.  Rather then stand around and open myself up to harrassment I chose to walk home from classes after they let out.  So there was potential for me to get hurt even killed walking to and from school as an adult never mind a child.  Funny if I had been followed without cause or need and some one had beaten the crap out of me/raped me/shot me on my way to or from school there wouldn't have been nearly the hype, I would have been just another victim of an imperfect world where 'shit just happens'.  (Notice I didn't put down if I had been shot by a black 17 year old male, hell I didn't even put down a gender at all.)  Just pisses me off that the poor black kid is always the victim even if they have a history of violence and disrespect for authority.  Treyvon Martin was no saint, he was a kid who was falling through the cracks, his parents failed him, they failed to teach him right from wrong, they failed to teach him to SAY NO TO DRUGS, they failed to teach him YOU DON'T PHYSICALLY ASSAULT another person because you don't like the way they look at you or talk to you.  I blame the kids parents for not teaching him manners, right from wrong, and respect for others.

Facing life head on...

I'm sure my life right now is a cake walk compaired to what many other people are going through but I'm having a rough time with so many things.  Depression is one of the biggest issues.  I should be taking meds, and seeing a therapist regularly but I just kind of gave up on it.  My eating habits suck, I don't exercise like I should be.  I should be more interactive with Eric and have him doing more with practicing writing letters and numbers and at the very least writing his name.  I have no desire to really do any of that!  I was excited that he can count to ten on his own and that he knows his entire alphabet, he knows colors and several shapes.  I really need to be working with him on spelling and identifying objects.  He enjoys when I read to him at night.  I love having him with me, I like that for the most part I can go just about any where and take him with me and he's mostly well behaved.  He has been testing me lately though because he knows I let him get away with certain things that his dad won't let him off the hook on.  I'm also having issues with introducing new foods to him.  These are things I'll have to discuss with his Dr. when I schedule his annual check up.

As for me, where do I even begin?  On Saturday I sent an Ex an email just to wish him a happy birthday.  I've been with Josh almost 13 years now and as much as we have issues he's the right man for me.  The ex however has 'buyers remorse' over pushing me out of his life.  Who knows where I'd be right now if Phil and I had stayed together.  Would I have been able to break away from my family and live on my own?  Would I have had any success going back to Jersey after I finished my tour of duty?  I knew there was a reason I left.  I felt, with certainty, that my life was going to go nowhere if I stayed where I was.  With Josh I've had a chance to see some of the world.  I'm dealing with a lot.  In the last 5 years I've had two miscarriages and had to heavily encourage my husband to go after the law school he so dearly wanted to attend.  They accepted him with open arms and full scholarship.  The separation is hard on both of us.  For myself the hard part is not really having emotional support when I'm feeling defeated.  I gave up any attempts to finish my bachelors degree for the same reason.  Sadly I wasn't getting any of the support I really needed when Josh was home much less now that he's gone doing his own thing.  If/when I have another baby again I'll be going through so much alone.  God's plan for me often times seems so heart breaking.  If I get pregnant while Josh is in school I really don't have any kind of strong support system near by to help me out with things once I deliver, or if I have complications during pregnancy.  Funny how Josh really isn't giving me what I need but still expects me to give him what he wants/needs.  My head is spinning with all of this and I'm hoping it doesn't keep me awake half the night.

Plastic Surgery Debate...

Earlier today a friend from grade school/high school posted a status about people who choose to have plastic surgery and others telling them that too much is actually too much.  She made the mistake of asking for opinions then didn't like the fact that I gave mine because I actually responded several times to the same post.  Honestly why put crap like that up if you don't like hearing that others don't think like you do.  If all you want is for people to blow sunshine up your ass then maybe you should post that ahead of time.  Funny how its OK when the liberal mind set gets all bent out of shape and rants and raves about crap without any logic to it then they can talk all they want.  She posed the question about plastic surgery and people having how ever much done that they want as long as they have the money for it.  What they don't realize is that the body can only take so much being cut open and sewn shut before it refuses to fight possible infections, or implants are rejected or you can no longer hide scars.  She blasted me because I didn't agree that people should be allowed to mutilate their bodies endlessly as long as they have the money to constantly have surgery.  Some people really don't understand buyers remorse!

So much on the brain

Where do I even begin? First I guess I'll start with Josh's step mom losing her mind on me for no reason. I called to ask about dates for celebrating Eric's birthday and she got on one of her rants telling me how Dan was left to clean the church by himself. When I suggested some thing as simple as talking to the congregation about the churches upkeep and care she flipped out on me and gave me no good reason why he couldn't ask for help from others.  This isn't the first time I've had issues with her or with him blowing up at me for no reason.  Just kills me how the elderly demand respect but they are 'allowed' to open their mouths and spew stupidity and then ask for forgiveness and every thing is suppose to be OK because they said they were sorry.  I'm seriously getting to a point where I'm just like screw all these crazy ass people.  I know I shouldn't be like that but damn why is it people get all sanctemonious and moral when it's convenient for them?
I'm really getting tired of making all the effort and sacrifice and shuttling back and forth, not to mention that Josh is all for having another baby but he's not the one making much of the effort.  I have to take myself down to him, I have to get things together here for the trip.  Keep things together when I spend time in his area.  Can't really say I spend time with him because he spends more time with his computer then he does with me when I pay him a visit.  I won't even get in to clean up after he cooks and Preston eats.  Seriously I think both of them have such a damn phobia about doing dishes.  Hell I fight back and forth with keeping my own house neat and clean and I go down there to do more house work, seriously?  For that I can just stay home with Eric and the cats and not have to deal with all the extra bullshit.  Plus the cats snuggle with me at night and they don't snore like Josh does.

God give them strength

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/florida-pastor-daughter-shot-head-sunday-services-article-1.1021697

Earlier in the week Josh and I got calls from his dad and stepmom about this occurance at their local church.  We've been to visit with them and attended church services with them and met the pastor, his wife and in passing his daughter.  I'm truly saddened by such a senseless accident because people weren't careful enough to check the chamber for a round before passing the gun around.  I feel aweful for the family and for the congregation of the church.  I pray that God gives this family strength, I pray that He helps Hannah toward a positive and uplifting outcome.  I hope her condition improves and that she has a full recovery.  God only knows what I would do if this had been my own child.  I'm sad and angry at the same time.  How do you forgive the people who did this to your child?  How do you tell them it's not their fault?  The pastor can not set foot in his church yet.  God only knows if he ever will. 

I hope the pastor gets himself together and brings together his church community.  He needs their support and they need his strength and leadership.

Today was my good deed day!

I'm thankful that I'm in a position at the moment where I can be available to help friends with what ever they need on a moments notice.  As a stay at home mom who doesn't have a bunch of kids to run all over the place I'm able to bring my lil guy with me and go baby sit or in this case help a friend pack up her kitchen for a weekend move to a new home.  Yeah crazy me spends my 'adult' time with a friend helping her pack for a move in to her first home.  Yep she's a brand new home owner; with two kids trying to get all the way packed before movers come in would have been hell.  So I helped pack up as much of the kitchen as possible, most of her glassware, mugs, cups, plates, pyrex bakeware and those things along with a few small appliances got packed up with no issues.  I'm just hoping that everything moves without a lot of issues.  It's different when you are packing for yourself, when you pack for some one else you stress about things being packed properly and stuff not breaking in transit from one place to the other.  I offered to help do some more packing and such before the movers came to start loading the truck and getting her big furniture out of the house.  I'll call/stop by in the AM and see how things are going and if she wants/needs the help before the movers show up.

Ha on the up side I also picked up a back up container to catch water and if I'm not needed tomorrow then I may put Eric in the yard for a while so I can work in the garage and make space for the new HWH and room for Josh to move the washer and dryer around once he gets them disconnected.  For sure he's going to need space to work in that corner and I also have to finish breaking down the drywall on the pedestal so all that wood can dry out and we can box the area in with marine plywood. 

Funny thinking about the girl friend that I just helped to pack and how much she was stressing about having electricity and water in the new place.  Wait til she has some kind of major issue with a hot water heater or the AC unit giving her hell and she has to call and spend money on having some one come out and fix all the stuff that use to be done by maintainance people on base at no extra cost to her personally.

Ode to the Hot Water Heater!!!!!

SERIOUSLY SCREW YOU!!!!!  You couldn't just stop working, no you had to have a wonderful hole some where that we can't get to in order to make repairs!!!!  So I've shut the hot water OFF in order to keep the tank from continuing to fill.  Of course I also don't have a full length floor model either.  Mine sits on a 'box' in the corner of my garage that again isn't easy to get to either.  Seriously?  So the hole has finally grown enough that the heater does nothing but drip.  The wood and dry wall 'box' the heater is sitting on is SOAKED through and molded, I've had to knock out one of the walls of this 'box' in order to get an idea how much water was being retained.  Wood framing is also soaked to the point where it can't hold water any more and I've got water in the laundry area of my garage and the water is slowly spreading.  This crap is worse then The Blob!!!  So I thought I was clever and put a bucket under the dripping water but now we have another dripping area and again water is all over the garage.  Of course the wonderful husband instead of thinking well shit this needs to be fixed as soon as possible is like OK I'll order the water heater and put it in myself.  So he ordered it on the weekend, it shipped on  Monday or Tuesday and won't get here til after the 1st of February.  So I'll be spending two weeks taking birdie baths til the husband can come in the weekend after the delivery to repair the 'box' and install the new water heater.  Talk about a freaking mess.  If I never have to look at the inside of my garage again I'd be too fucking happy, seriously.  Some times home ownership SUCKS BALLS!!!

So much going on right now...

The good going on right now is that Josh had a job interview for a research assistant position today and he was offered the job.  Right now it's part time while he's in class, this could potentially be his summer internship and then eventually a permanent job after he graduates from school.  What it also means is that there is a potential for us to be moving permanently down to FL.  How do I feel about that?  I think I'm OK with it, my biggest concern about moving down there is finding a home that works for us.  After owning a home and having space for our son to play and enjoy himself in a back yard that we don't necessarily have to share with anyone else is a big deal.  I like the fact that we have privacy where we are now and I can let him out on his own and not have to be on top of him every time he wants to be outside.  For now we'll take things one day at a time and I'll continue to encourage Josh to stay on top of his game.
The rough part of things right now is the issues my sister is having with her youngest son.  For the longest time he's had mood issues that were just recently diagnosed.  She'd been having issues with him at school and the school pretty much insisted that he be put on home instruction.  Most of last year ye was on home instruction so this year my sister tried to put him back in school with an addition program outside of school.  Things seemed to be going not too bad until yesterday.  He had a violent episode at school to the point where they felt he had to be restrained.  My sister picked him up from school he went to his challenge program and had an outburst of some kind at the program as well.  The instructors at the challenge program had him admitted to the ER for observation and evaluation.  When the ER dr. did their physical evaluation they noticed that his arms were bruised from being restrained.  They asked my sister if she had restrained him and she told them it wasn't her.  So the ER got the department of youth and family services involved and they now have to look into how the school is treating the kids.  After all the evaluation was done they diagnosed ADHD as well as his mood disorder.  Now my sister has to fight with the school not to have her son put on home instruction.  The school counselor called to tell her that it had been decided that he would be put on home instruction and when she spoke to someone from the challenge program she was told that it had been discussed but nothing was set in stone.  I asked her about the possibility of getting him a personal teaching assistant through the board of ed and supposedly he has to be diagnosed as special needs/special ed before they will assign him a personal teaching assistant.  I really feel bad for my sis and my youngest nephew, the hard part is that with the issues he has he's very abusive toward any one who sets him off.

Giving Thanks and saying goodbye

http://topics.dallasnews.com/photo/07AO2u80J32Sq?q=Defense

Today I saw a post that another soldier was lost in Afghanistan recently.  This person wasn't exactly a stranger.  He's someone I'd gotten to know over the internet through a facebook group known as Sexually Deprived For Your Freedom, he was one of the group moderators and was funny about his responses to different posts.  I'm sorry for his wife, children, and other family members who are left behind.
This really hit home and made me thankful once again that my husband was a submarine sailor.  I'm doublly thankful that he's now retired and physically and mentally intact.  I know that I was terrified when we got the news that his sub had been in a collision and there was so far one person in critical condition on board and several others with various injuries.  Unfortunately the critically injured individual died as a result of his injuries and unfortunately weather and water conditions that woudn't allow them to med transport him off the sub.  The situation could have been all around a much worse situation then it turned out to be.  The sub could have been unable to surface and/or move under it's own power and the crew would have literally been buried still alive at sea. I couldn't imagine it.  How horrific for anyone who has lost a loved one in a freak accident or because of circumstances while serving their country.

Going, going, gone....

So hubs went back to campus Jan. 5th to get started on the second semester of his first year.  His life/career is taking right off.  One of his professors is resigning her position at the school to take a position with the circuit court.  I guess while she was teaching she was also a research assistant for her husbands law firm and she got in touch with Josh to potentially offer him the research assistant job.  Don't get me wrong I'm happy for Josh he's doing what he should be doing, bettering his life and his career situation in order to provide a better life for his family.
As an individual I feel like a failure.  Other people out there manage to work, have a family and go to school at the same time.  I have had a rough time keeping motivated and focused and that just killed any hope I have of completing my bachelors degree.  The crappy part is I only have a couple more years to use my GI Bill so I don't lose it all together.  I may try another school and I may look in to some kind of child care for E for a couple of days a week because this will give me the peace and quiet I need.  I can actually work in silence during daylight hours.  I also have to give up my social networking addiction.
At this point Josh has gotten back his grades and his over all GPA at this point is a 3.576.  I guess at this point my function is to be supportive and encouraging but it still sucks to know I can't get my crap together well enough to maintain a decent GPA!

Failure

Where do I even start?  Through grade school and high school and even my associates I was always a mediocre student.  What made me think I could work on a bachelors degree from home while trying to care for a baby full time?  I was going strong for a while with As and Bs taking one course per term so I wouldn't feel over whelmed.  Unfortunately the past couple of years have been hell on me.  I had gall bladder surgery, I had hernia repair surgery and all the while I continued to take classes.  Two in particular I was struggling with, Special Needs and Communication and Conflict.  I took both those classes twice each and failed them both twice each.  I got my first dismissal letter from Kaplan and submitted a request to be re admitted after explaining having surgery during those times and forging ahead with classes because I was afraid if I dropped them then I wouldn't go back to school.  They re admitted me.  Took Special Needs for the third time and failed it because I didn't complete and submit my final project on time so I was dismissed for the second time from the shool.  In the time it's taken me to try and get my bachelors my husband has manage to finish his bachelors, his military career and is currently working on his Doctorite in law.  All I can say is I fall horriblly short and I don't know how my husband expcts me to home school our son when I don't even have the motivation to get myself through school.  On top of all of this I've been dealing with severe depression for several years now but it has only recently been diagnosed and treated.
Not only is school not working out for me but I'm also not much of a suzie home maker either.  I cook because I have no not because I want to or because I enjoy it.  I pretty much stick with the basics and try not to make much work for myself because I also can't stand doing house work either.  My home is cluttered and dusty, and occassionally dishes sit in the sink for a couple of days and the stove looks like a bomb went off on it.  I do however manage to take the garbage out often before it gets to over flowing and I attempt to keep up after the litter boxes so the cats won't feel the need to use the rest of the house as a litter box.  I guess my issue is that I don't care enough about what is going on around me to keep an immaculate home and to make an effort to get enthusiastic about cooking.  Honestly I can't tell you how many times I have thought about divorce and giving up my parental rights because I don't want to have to be responsible for any one or any thing but myself.
Even more sad then my state of uncaring is how my husband seems to be so unsupportive.  When I suggested putting E in some kind of daycare a couple of days a week to give myself a break and some breathing room my husband was absolutely opposed to it.  Mind you while he was busy being opposed to me having time to myself he was busy going out at night drinking.  During the day he was at work, then at school then at the bar til midnight.  So of course he had all this time to himself to do things.  When he'd come home he either parked himself in front of the computer or in front of the TV to play some game on one of his many game systems.  Of course he also is really good at tuning things out around him when he chooses to so he'd be home and still manage to totally ignore his son.

Saying good-bye to 2011

Another year comes to and end and here we are with so much going on.  In the last couple of years I've had hernia repair surgery and gall bladder removal and we've avoided having another child not knowing what this would do to my body not to mention how it would affect fetal development.  After talking to one of the general surgeons about my case and what kind of issues can come from getting pregnant and carrying to term.  So  Josh and I are trying to have another baby.  This year Josh retired from the Navy and is currently attending law school.  The rough part of this year was losing the person I considered to be my maternal grandmother and miscarrying a child.  The coming year brings with it a breath of better things to come.  Josh and I will be trying for another child.  Eric thankfully is growing big and healthy, since speech therapy his vocabulary has amplified greatly.  I'm still struggling with staying focused on school and such but I'm hanging in there as much as possible.  Josh will be returning back to school in a few days and getting in to the second semester of his first year.  He's stressing grades and the grading system and I think he's kind of selling himself short.  From here on out we only look forward!  We seem to be doing well working with what we have.  We truly are blessed.

Not how I envisioned my Christmas Holiday...

Santa has made his stop by the inlaws to drop gifts for Eric, so that is taken care of.  The part that I'm really having a rough time with is the fact that Josh has done nothing but video game all damn day.  I can't say anything because of course I'm a guest.  Kills me that all his dad wants to do is either play/watch golf or watch my husband play the fucking Wii!!!  I'm about ready to rip all that shit out of the wall.  All I can say is next year I'm not leaving my house for anyone.  I'm also not giving up my TV for anyone either.  If they want to be at my house they go by my rules.  This is crap that I'm essentially confined to my damn computer or a book because I'm not interested in watching my husband play a fucking video game that he can do any other time of the year.  I'm ready to go back home and ready for my husband to be back at school.  Hopefully mom will be moved out of Odie's by next year some time and I can put money aside to visit them for a while at Christmas instead of being here.  If this is what I have to look forward to then I'd rather go home to my family where there is actually shit for me to do other then spend most of the day sleeping or listening to video games in the back ground instead of Christmas music or movies.  I'm hoping things will be better tomorrow but I doubt it.  Every thing is closed tomorrow and after we open gifts of course the lazy asses won't want to do anything other then get on the fucking video game again.  Just not looking forward to that.

Chillin with the inlaws....

Every so often I hear horror stories of families that just can't seem to get along.  I'm not talking about the internal family stuff, that crap happens to everyone and most of the time the issues are forgotten about or just gotten over and for the post part the family starts talking to each other again.  My sister and I are a prime example, she and I fight like hell and have totally different points of view on just about every thing in life.  What I'm talking about is the inlaw situation when the inlaws absolutely make every effort to keep the spouse at a distance or cause a lot of tension between the married couple.  I guess hubby and I are blessed in that his parents and siblings like me and my family likes him.  We each talk to our parents about internal issues because even though we are adults we look for love, support, guidance from our parents.  Thankfully each set of parents gives us a place to vent without telling us what they think we should be doing and with out making every attempt to make bad or rough issues between us even worse.  We are truly blessed that our son gets to see at least one set of his grandparents on a rather regular basis and he also has one great-grandma and one great-grandpa still living.  I'm thankful that both these grand parents have a fairly clean bill of health and do the best they can to take care of themselves.
I bring all this up because currently hubby and I are at his dad and stepmom's and they treat me like I belong which is wonderful.  They've never made me feel awkward or out of place.  Now do we each have traits and such that make the other crazy?  Sure we do.  But I often tell people if you can't accept me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best.  I truly am thankful for my family both near and far not just today but every day.  I look back on the life I have and the life that could have been and I must say, taking the road I was meant to take is looking really darn good from where I'm standing.  Letting go and letting God seems to be making a huge difference in my life.  With so much that I've been through and all the people that have come into and gone from my life I have to say that God put me with the right people at the right time.

Boo Hoo and bitching about duty days....

Seriously how is it you are going to fucking bitch and piss and moan about the fact that your husband has to work an over night duty?  How are you going to bitch about him being gone on deployment?  Why don't you shut the fuck up and be greatful that your husband is working a FULL TIME JOB WITH BENEFITS?  Your stupid ass isn't having to pay medical bills out of pocket.  When your husband is in off crew he's often home at a decent time and you have weekends to hang out and do shit together.  Think about the other alternatives, he could be working a minimum wage job with no benefits and long hours.  He could be unemployed all together.  He could be a cop or EMT working crazy ass shifts and constantly on night shifts where he's sleeping most of the day and gone all night and doesn't get to do much with the kids.  He could have a job where he's working double shifts constantly and you never see him.  You KNEW when you got involved with him that he was working for the US Military and that he didn't have a normal 9-5, home on weekends type of job so if you knew and felt you were going to have such an issue with it WHY THE HELL DID YOU MARRY THE GUY?  Seriously take your pissy, whiney asses out and get a job and a life and find things to do with other people on the nights your husband is on duty.  Get a book club or a card group together and have a game night, get a knitting or crocheting group together or something and spend a few hours with friends before and after the kids go to bed to keep yourself occupied.  OK end of rant!

Wishing you a happy birthday...

Wow, it's hard to believe it's been 15+ years since you've been gone and just how much has happen in all of that time.  I think of you often and wish you were still here to see your great grandchildren and the lives your son and grandchildren have made for themselves.  Every time I feel the need for a little latin spice in my life you come to mind and I wish we had shared more dances together.  Funny all the stuff Melissa and Vinny went through after their father died and they both seem to be getting their lives back on track.  Lis is a Ms. Fix It like her daddy and Vinny is driving truck for a living just like mine.  It's funny how influenced we all were by our fathers.  I hope Uncle Nestor and Aunt Mildred are doing well with you.  As for dad he's hanging in there.  I thought a few times over the last several years he'd be joining you.  Thanks to Grandma's love and care he's still kicking.  Yeah dad and grandma share living space with a huge black beast of a cat named Shadow.  Mom and Odie are also sharing living space, that's an interesting and often frustrating living arrangement.  Odie has three boys, the youngest was recently diagnosed with a mood disorder that he's had since birth.  Josh and I we're hanging in there.  At the moment he's home with me from school til after the new year and then back to the grind.

HAPPY 90th BIRTHDAY!

Santa and I are shacking up again...

So the school here is quite involved in the community and they take time to help out the under privileged.  Not sure if the school adopts a shelter or what ever the case is, but Josh will be dressing up for a function tomorrow morning and I've had to help him make some adjustments to the suit and the padding.  This should be an interesting get together.  I'll have to be sure to get some good pictures to post.
Tonight we went out with another couple to a Japanese sushi restaurant and I ate sooooooo freaking much I'm STUFFED!  Earlier in the day we did an expeditionary visit of Toys R Us to figure out what kind of stuff we were getting for the kiddo for Christmas.  I knew the stuff I wanted to get him I wasn't going to find very easily at Walmart.  He's gotten heavy in to sword fighting and is using a mega lego as a shield and a noise making boom stick as a sword.  Thank God for the inventors/creators of Nerf.  We were able to find sword, shield and a Thor's Hammer that are all foam!  Score and we are getting him a large tool bench set and a bean bag chair something that is washable.  Why the sword fighting, because he's been watching How to Train your Dragon, Zelda for the Wii, Jake and the Neverland Pirates and other programs or games that have him interested in swords very much like his father was at an early age.  His grandfather also go him in to playing Wii Golf and for Christmas got our lil guy a set of kids golf clubs, YES, REAL golf clubs.  Those get to stay at Grandpa and Nana's house and he can only use them when he goes to play golf with his Grandpa.