Can I get a break????

Wow it's totally unbelievable that now my husband is resorting to the same tactics as my sister. He doesn't like the fact that I wasn't in the mood to fuck so he throws a tantrum. Then he has the nerve to write a letter talking about how I'm compairing him to some guy in a damn novel. Could you be any more fucking ignorant and insecure??? Give me a break not everyone wants to have sex or fuck at the drop of a hat. This is the same man who acused me the entire time I was pregnant of cheating on him. Again the same man who insisted that the child who has his nose and his blood type and his family genetic disposition for hazel eyes isn't his. Why do people do this shit to eachother? Give me one damn good reason why I should want to fuck/have sex with a man who apparently doesn't trust or value me much. So now he's sitting at work stewing in his own self pity and anger for no damn reason. He'll do the oh so smart thing and come home with enough booze/beer/wine to get so drunk he'll be sick and of course he'll allow more stupid shit to come out of his mouth and then he'll either sleep in the other room or he'll decided he's going to come to bed and force himself on me. He's in for a really rude awakening if he even tries that shit. So at this point I don't have any family I can depend on for anything. Sad part is right now I don't have any money of my own. My Shares Certificate is tied up until the end of December. At this point I've been formulating a couple of things just in case I do have to leave. The closest people to me are my aunt and uncle in FL. God why does all this shit happen to me at once? Why am I always the one getting shit on from all sides at the same time? God it's going to be hell to have to start over with a small child.

For a guy who didn't like being labeled when we were dating and didn't like being acused of being a player/cheater he sure as hell has some damn nerve. He's acused me more then once or twice of having sex with someone else other then him. Sad part is at this point having sex is not very high on my priority list. I really have no big desire to have sex at all. It really has nothing specifically to do with him. It's OK for him to feel hurt because I don't want to have sex and because I say something to him about his 'weight belt' being unattractive. With all the times he's just jumped my bones without any damn thought to how I feel, doesn't matter if I'm not in the mood or in pain as long as he gets the gratification he wants. We go round and round like this so many times its not even funny. He has his moments where he's like the guy I dated back in IL and then he just asumes that because we're married I'm supposed to just be readily available for him any time he wants. What about what I fucking want? Apparently that doesn't matter.

I'm done being an enabler

I've unfortunately been enabling my family to be abusive towards me. All they do is use and take from one another and then have the nerve to talk shit about each other behind their backs. It's just amazing to me how no one can be happy that I didn't repeat the cycle of no life, no job, no where to go but down in my life.

I never chose to be brought in to this world my parents made that choice to have a child. They chose to live a life that was beyond their means to live. I'm not the one who ran up all their debt. I'm not the one who was driving around in their used cars that were in constant need of repair. I wasn't the one buying needless jewelry to try and keep a relationship going that never should have been in the first place.

I have to laugh at my sister's absolute ignorance on how things were and what was going on in the house. She apparently didn't know what the hell was going on in my life at home since her first reaction was to tell me that I know nothing about her life. She calls me a coward for joining the military in order to keep from being in a pit of hell like my parents and sister are in. At age 22 pretty much fresh out of college with only a 2 year degree, no money and no job. Oh yeah and I didn't have my license or a car either. Who the hell was going to pay for any of that if I stuck around. Mom???? Dad??? My sister??? I don't think so, and if any of them did pay for me to be able to get back and forth to work it would come at some price, constant nagging, constantly being put down, always something.

My relationship with my mother wasn't the greatest. She spent a lot of time burning bridges and being miserable. She never had a good word to say and anything I did was never good enough. My father was ok to talk to and express how I felt but as he gets older and continues to live in that liberal mind set that somebody somewhere owes him something because he had such a hard life. Well fucking BOO HOO, you have problems change the situation make it better, don't just settle. Break the cycle, change the behaviors and attitudes.

Amazing how I always hear the BS from my parents about how irresponsible my sister is with money or how self centered she is and how she only calls when she wants or needs something from someone. Now all of a sudden she's telling me that my parents think I'm self centered and how the only one I ever think about is myself. Yeah thats why I went home for Christmas while I was very pregnant and my mother even got on my case because I didn't set up my plans to be with her as soon as I landed. Then I went home again in Sept. for the Christening ceremony for my nephews and ya know what I was the one who bought them all their outfits. Not my sister, not any of the other godparents but me. Amazing how self centered I am. I call my sister to see how she's doing and the kids are doing and one of the first things she tells me is man I'm so broke, I can't even get the kids anything for their birthdays. So me being the selfish snobby bitch that I am turn around and tell her don't worry about it I'll pick each one of them up an outfit to wear, again because I'm so self centered and only think of myself. So there I am at Walmart picking up EVERYTHING, gift bags, tissue paper, birthday cards two of everything so that she can give them each something from herself and Jimmy and one set for each of them from Josh and myself. But you know I"m so full of myself I don't ever think of anyone else.

Eh well fuck em all let them all drown in all their own bullshit, poverty, and self pity.

Who needs family???

Apparently the blog I previously posted about liberalism and the fact that Obama's ideals will hurt this country didn't sit too well with my sister and she made it personal, so I'm going to post her initial reply to my blog and the back and forth responses between the two of us and then of course my sister got my parents involved and my father is pissed off at me because of course he has nothing without his girlfriend paying for it. The SUV he bought brand new was thanks to his girlfriends good credit. Other wise he couldn't afford to pay for it. He can live in a single family house paying $1600 a month rent because his mom and his girlfriend help him pay his rent and other bills. So I'm sure none of them will be talking to me again.

your my sister and i love you but you couldn't be more wrong. why don't you start thinking about MY HARD WORKING HUSBAND who pays more taxes than a lazy ass lawyer who sits on his ass all day doing nothing. My husband deserves the tax breaks he's earned and so has my children. You of all people should know how much we are struggling and you have the nerve to talk about him making rich people pay more taxes. Our economy wuldn't be in the mess it's in if our current presedent would let other countries take care of their own problems instead of our taxe dollars going towards shipping millitary and weapons overseas. I guess you have magically forgot what it's like to not have any money and struggle to get by. Are you forgettting that mom and dad lived on pasta for almost a year when you were born. Remember I don't own any property my husband isn't in the military making A tripple digit income. I have a 5 familty houshold and we make less than $40,000 a year. i think you need to open your eyes and realize Obama is going to make a better life for my children. I'm sorry if you don't like the fact that your gonna have to pay more taxes but I need that break. It's not about him being African American it's about who is better for Our country and Obama is the better man for the job. And you know what yeah I'm happy that there isn't gonna be another OLD WHITE MAN taking my husband money that he busts his ass to make.

How about if you open your eyes little sister and take a look at military pay scales. My husband doesn't get a pay increase every three or four months for doing a good job at work. He is salary so you know what when he's at work for a week straight or six months straight he's not getting overtime for being there. You're husband gets extra pay for any time he does over 40 hours a week and you know what my husband has been in the military long enough and doing his job long enough that the equivelant civilian job makes a six figure salary. My husband makes just under $50K a year and a few years ago he almost lost his life serving his country. Protecting your right to spout all the uneducated misinformed Bull that you think you know. How about doing some research on whats really going on in this country and take a look at the great tri state area that is mostly Democrat run... Look at the crime rates. Go take a good look in your home city and I mean all parts of it at all the 'project' housing that is abused and over crowded and how many of them are just sitting there waiting for a handout without ever really earning a damn thing. If you think lawyers are lazy you need to think again. What happens when you need one and he's to busy sitting on his ass doing nothing to be bothered working on your case. They spend many years in college and many years paying off loans to be able to make the money they make and only the ones in private practice make the kind of money you are talking about. Talk to a District Attorney or a court appointed lawyer you know what they make... about the same as your husband. If you think I'm full of shit ask Ramona she'll tell you. What do you think will happen to places like Andros once the tax goes up for George and Irene you think they will be able to keep the doors open. You think you will be able to go in there once in a while and be able to afford the food they serve. You better think again. In the end the little people will pay for the tax hikes on the 'rich'. If the rich have to pay more to have their family business they will charge the consumer more money. Those people have mouths to feed also.

The reason Josh and I have what we have is because we manage our money well and we plan for things. We don't buy shit we don't need. If we do overspend between pay days then yes we struggle too but you know what before we go totally crazy we make sure all the bills are paid. If Josh and I were piss poor and he was at risk for losing his job at any given time then we sure as hell would not have had children. But those things don't come to mind until its too late and you are sitting there complaining about how you are always broke.

This is how my sister reacts to things when we have a difference of opinion. If she wants me to put her business out there... then here it is. I call family to find out how she's doing because I don't want to fight with her and she just slaps me in the face. Sad part is I just sent gifts for her kids because she was complaining she was broke and blah blah blah and all the kids bdays fall right around or after Christmas so I figured I'd help her out. Bet I don't even get a thank you from her because of course that is what she expects. That everyone should be around to bail her ass out of things. This is the letter she wrote me today only a couple of hours ago.

so let me duess you think it's ok for Mccain to raise taxes on my husbandf who actually busts his ass working to support me and our three kids but it's not ok for Obama to tax your husband for working them coming home any playing video games and not even being a real father to his son real nice. you have no idea what's going on in newark and I never knew that you of all people would turn your back on the city that you were born and raised in. That's fucked up. I could care lees if Obama is black or white. Our government needs to stop sending our tax money overseas so that our soldiers can fight for the freedom or the Iraqi people instead of spending it on fixing our country and helping our citizens find jobs. I sit on my ass all day and guess what i'm not looking for a handout. Get a clue you no longer have the concept of an american citizen your a military wife. and you wanna talk about some shit how dare you put my problems up on myspace for everyone to read. your a real great sister have a nice life don't talk to me ever agaiun. I guess it takes a real woman yo call mommy and daddy and wonder why her little sister is so hurt by her comments.

your uneducated sister

How's this for how almighty of a sister you are. Who was the one who left becasue she couldn't deal with the stress at home, YOU. Who was the one who left me do deal ith everything going on with Our parents, YOU. You have got some nerve talking about how i'm always looking for someone to bail my ass out but guess what I'm not. You want the stuff you got the boys back I'll send it back I don't need it. I'm the one who stayed here and suffered while Our parents were getting a divorce not you. You like the little coward you are ran away form the problems and joined the navy. Get over yourself your not tough and I can still kick your ass. I was the one who was always going after people becasue they hurt you not the other way around. Remeber I can take care of myself always have always will. You think your better than me but guess what your not. I would never want to have your life. I would never want to be a miss know it all. Get over yourself why don't you tell all your friends how you couldn't handle being around your family and you left. You left your 14 yr old sister behind to deal with everything by herself. Never once called to find out how I was handling things. No all you cared about was yourself. I guess things don't change. I pitty you for living your miserable life but I don't need that influence in mine. Wow mom and dad are right all you care about is yourself and how you always have to be right and how I shouldn't let anything you say bother me. THANKS FOR THE KIDS GIFTS BUT IF YOU WANT THEM BACK YOU CAN HAVE THEM I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM ANYONE WHO THINKS I'M UNGRATEFUL OR LOOKING FOR HANDOUTS.

This was my dads response:
first of all you are not a white girl you are Puerto Ricn and Spanish and you were born in Newark NJ

All hail the USSA

So we've made history in my lifetime by electing the first ever black president. Big fucking whoopie doo.... I don't want to hear any more fucking stupid bullshit from people about racial inequality. See a black man can do everything a white man can do even be president!!! That being said I also wonder how many cities will burn down to the ground in 'celebration'. How many riots will ensue, how soon a race war will be started because us white folk are expected to sit back and take the bullshit and get walked all over. I wonder how Robin Hood, er I mean Barack H. Obama will be taking from the rich to give to the poor. Once all the rich have been taxed to the point of having to fire/lay off people to try and keep their businesses going or have to cut the provision of health care out of their business what happens then? What happens when the small businesses that were employing HS kids and college kids have to close their doors because they can't afford to pay taxes on their tiny family business? What happens when everyone in the 'free world' is on the government tit and won't do anything for themselves??? What happens when that tit dries up and all businesses that can move over seas end up going over seas? Who is left to be taxed? For all those who think its so great to get something for nothing, think again. Eventually that resource will dry up then what do you do. You see how New Orleans turned out after a natural disaster after they waited for the government to bail them out instead of using common sense and getting the hell out on their own. Look at all those people who took something for nothing and even killed people to get their freebies. How can people see this and think that it is OK to live like this??? Isn't it amazing how socialist and communist countries have people leaving and entering our country illegally to try and make better lives for themselves because they are willing to work hard and bust ass. If we make the situation here no better then the situation in those countries where does anyone have left to go? What happens to our health care system once it is government run? How long will people have to wait to get treatment for life threatening diseases or to have the necessary tests done in order to detect those diseases? People out there truly don't understand how government works or the processes they use to get things done. I also noticed that the Senate and the House are Democratic majority so we will see how much money gets put into the pockets of the politicians and how much actually goes back to the people. We will see over the next four years how the economy does and how the job market does and how many major companies/corporations close their doors here in the US and take their business operations over seas.