Failure

Where do I even start?  Through grade school and high school and even my associates I was always a mediocre student.  What made me think I could work on a bachelors degree from home while trying to care for a baby full time?  I was going strong for a while with As and Bs taking one course per term so I wouldn't feel over whelmed.  Unfortunately the past couple of years have been hell on me.  I had gall bladder surgery, I had hernia repair surgery and all the while I continued to take classes.  Two in particular I was struggling with, Special Needs and Communication and Conflict.  I took both those classes twice each and failed them both twice each.  I got my first dismissal letter from Kaplan and submitted a request to be re admitted after explaining having surgery during those times and forging ahead with classes because I was afraid if I dropped them then I wouldn't go back to school.  They re admitted me.  Took Special Needs for the third time and failed it because I didn't complete and submit my final project on time so I was dismissed for the second time from the shool.  In the time it's taken me to try and get my bachelors my husband has manage to finish his bachelors, his military career and is currently working on his Doctorite in law.  All I can say is I fall horriblly short and I don't know how my husband expcts me to home school our son when I don't even have the motivation to get myself through school.  On top of all of this I've been dealing with severe depression for several years now but it has only recently been diagnosed and treated.
Not only is school not working out for me but I'm also not much of a suzie home maker either.  I cook because I have no not because I want to or because I enjoy it.  I pretty much stick with the basics and try not to make much work for myself because I also can't stand doing house work either.  My home is cluttered and dusty, and occassionally dishes sit in the sink for a couple of days and the stove looks like a bomb went off on it.  I do however manage to take the garbage out often before it gets to over flowing and I attempt to keep up after the litter boxes so the cats won't feel the need to use the rest of the house as a litter box.  I guess my issue is that I don't care enough about what is going on around me to keep an immaculate home and to make an effort to get enthusiastic about cooking.  Honestly I can't tell you how many times I have thought about divorce and giving up my parental rights because I don't want to have to be responsible for any one or any thing but myself.
Even more sad then my state of uncaring is how my husband seems to be so unsupportive.  When I suggested putting E in some kind of daycare a couple of days a week to give myself a break and some breathing room my husband was absolutely opposed to it.  Mind you while he was busy being opposed to me having time to myself he was busy going out at night drinking.  During the day he was at work, then at school then at the bar til midnight.  So of course he had all this time to himself to do things.  When he'd come home he either parked himself in front of the computer or in front of the TV to play some game on one of his many game systems.  Of course he also is really good at tuning things out around him when he chooses to so he'd be home and still manage to totally ignore his son.