Seriously some times he really needs to keep....

his thoughts to himself. What man tells his wife you must like to be sick! I'm sitting here fighting a fever, the runs, nausea, stomach pain and then of course I have to be able to function like a normal human being for my son regardless of the fact that I feel like a bag of smashed assholes. So my darling husband gets to sleep like the dead through the night while I sit here and fight to actually fall asleep and stay asleep and quit coughing so hard I piss myself and pull muscles in my chest and abdomen. So when the man gets sick he drags his ass to bed some times well after midnight and gets to stay in bed til noon or later, when I'm sick I still have to get up with our son and if I'm lucky I might be able to go back to bed and catch a nap once the husband is up and can keep an ear out for Eric. I'd say keep an eye on but Josh lives at his fucking computer desk in the computer room where Eric doesn't want to spend much time. Right now I'm really feeling ornery with the various body issues I have going on. So yeah the IBS is always going to be an issue but I also have an issue that is something like having a short fernelum under the tongue that doesn't allow you to place your tongue to the roof of your mouth. This particular tissue/scar tissue problem I'm having is somewhere in my intestinal track and causes me mild pain and discomfort most days and other days I just want to rip my entire small and large intestin from my body. I have to say that I'm glad Dr. Fletcher at the ER really does listen to me. I'm so tired of people and Drs. just passing my discomfort off as IBS. I'm thinking that post surgery this issue has cropped up because of all the different places they had to place the camera while working on removing my gall bladder so its possible they irritated the surrounding tissue on the exterior of the intestins and caused/created 'caluses' or some form of scar tissue to bond external areas of the intestin. So this bonding process as caused a tense feeling almost like stuff is still sewn together and if I use to much force I'm going to tear the threads holding these parts together. On the up side I've been squirt free for about 5 or 6 hours now. Let's hope this at least holds up. I'd actually like to get some things done tomorrow.

Some people are real winners!

So I get a message that one of the wives wants to be taken off my phone tree I'm like WTF? Really? Why do people have to be so damn ignorant? I have someone over my house help her get her shit together because she's not computer savvy at all then she has dinner in my home and she tells me all this crap about herself then she passes judgement on me after telling me she doesn't want to be judged. Amazing how someone who tells me she has a hard time making friends is quick to pitch one to the curb because she's busy passing judgement on others who haven't done her any harm. Her own paranoya is barring her from making any serious friendships. I have no idea how her husband puts up with her psychodic ass. I'm also suppose to be doing the cookie exchange and at this point I sure as hell don't want to do anything with anyone from this command in any way shape or form. Some of these jack asses really need to adjust their thought processes. Makes me crazy the way they act like their shit doesn't stink. So can't wait to be done with all these snobby fuckers who really think they are above everyone else.

Looking back over the past year....

It's amazing to think about every thing that has been going on over the past year in our lives. Josh graduated college Magna Cume Laude with a major in Political Science and a minor in Sociology. We've been living in our new home about a year already. Eric has picked up so much vocabulary its not even funny. I'm still chisling away at my BS in Psychology one class at a time along with being a full time mom. Josh went from shore to sea rotation and that in and of itself is one hell of a story at this point. I'm still in awe to some degree that Josh and I own our first home together. We have so many things to be thankful for. We truly are blessed.

Walking on through the rain...

I'm sitting here listening to the rain fall in heavy sheets outside my livingroom window and thinking about the current storm in my life. The love of my life is currently dealing with a situation that is affecting his job. So not only am I concerned for him and how he's coping with the situation but I'm also trying to deal with the ignorance of individuals who absolutely don't think before they spout off garbage about situations that they themselves are not directly involved in. Also the whole idea of pointing fingers with blood stained hands really pisses me off. Funny how someone can tell me that my husband is screwed up without explaining to me how they came to this conclusion. I know this person would lose thier ever loving mind and totally go off on me if I told her that her husband was a total fuck up had her husband been in this same situation. Then of course we have the 'spouse support group' who are suppose to be looking out for one another so I bring this to the group president and our liason that deals with the command and apparently nothing is going to be done. She will be allowed to create problems where/when ever she chooses. One day it will all come back to bite her right in the ass.

My wonderful life....

I'll start with the worst of the deal which really isn't that bad. The fridge for the time being is toast. Finally stopped cooling and freezing food so the stuff in the fridge spoiled completely. All of it ended up in the garbage. Stuff from the freezer thank God went into the deep freezer. I'm waiting on the repair guy to get in the part he needs for the back of the fridge which is a circuit board that runs all the electronics, dispenser, ice machine cooling system in the fridge. Another down side to the breakage is that right now every kitchen surface is covered with stuff from the fridge or clean dishes so that I can run the next batch of dishes. On the cute side Eric tried to help by 'scrubbing down the bathroom floors'. That will be my next task is getting both the guest bathroom and my bathroom cleaned up and the shower curtains washed. Going to look in to putting Eric in day care for a couple of days every week so that he has some socialization and maybe they can help me with getting him potty trained. School isn't going so hot. I'm two assignments behind on things and I need to get caught up before I fail the course. This is driving me CRAZY!!!! I really wish hubs was hear it would make one hell of a difference in how much I'm able to get done. I'm actually in a groove right now so yeah thats cool business too with the house and such. I just wish I had more motivation for the school stuff. Bleh. Don't know if we'll actually make it up north like we are hoping to do. That would be one hell of a drive. If I know Josh he'll want to night drive all the way up. Right now I'm completely incommunicado with Josh. Haven't gotten mail don't know if he's getting my emails or not. Thank goodness for Mike and Claire, I would have had no clue who the hell to call about the fridge other wise. Between Eric flipping me the hell out with the hose/washing machine situation and then the fridge I'm so ready for all this military bullshit to be over its not even funny. On top of all that Eric has been really pushing buttons with me. I guess he figures mommy is a push over and won't smack his butt for misbehaving. Don't get me wrong I'm not beating the crap out of him on a daily basis, but every now and then he needs a swat on the butt or the hand when he's touching something or doing something that he KNOWS he's not suppose to be doing. Then he kills me with the pouty face and fake tears that last all of 2 seconds. His tantrums consist of him cramming all his fingers in his mouth, throwing himself on the floor, and hitting the wall or floor with his hands. Hopefully next deployment goes better. We'll see where things are situated with Josh's command and what kind of standing he has with them from this deployment.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N from 8-11 to 8-13-2010

So hubby and I own I timeshare with Silver Leaf Resorts and they have several resort locations all over the country. We've owned our timeshare about 10 years now give or take. We upgraded to a better program a couple years after initial purchase and now they want us to buy into another resort closer to where we live. So they invited us up for a weekend where we could listen to them try and sell the goods. We figured why not. We can afford the time away from home and we are only giving them an hour and a half of our time. The location we visited was Apple Mountain Resort in Clarkesville GA which is closer to NC and SC then to where we currently live. Our package allowed us a 1600 sq ft living space with two bedrooms one of which was a compact guest suite for additional guests/family you might bring with you. It was completely self contained with separate entrance its own kitchen and bathroom and full size fridge, and small breakfast table and TV. The rest of the suite was a living room, diningroom kitchenette with full size fridge, a fire place and I guess what you would consider the master suite has a Jack and Jill bathroom double vanity, jetted garden tub with separate shower, and a toilet closet, both bedrooms contained king size beds. Master suite had two closets and the guest suite had one closet. Man it was great, they have horse back riding, pool tables, ping pong, tennis, horse shoes, shuffle board, full regular golf course, mini golf course, disc golf course, a family swimming pool, an activities center with a theater, arcade games, snack bar, tanning bed, work out center, a reading corner a little kids corner. The rough part was no internet access in the rooms yet but I think they will be working on that. The scenery in NE Georgia is beautiful and the soil so different from down here. Even the water from the tap up there tastes so much better then down here. Down here we have heavy calcium in the water so taste wise its nasty and it kills all your water run appliences, if you use a softener it makes the water really salty. Up there the water has more iron in it and boy was it delicious. I'm so ready to go back there. We also made a stop at Babyland General Hospital aka The Cabbage Patch Kid Factory. It's a totally cute set up. They have the staff there dressed as nurses. If you have my facebook it has the latest pictures. Enjoy!!!

Just another walk through the rain...

Usually when I post something to my non-child blog it is a stressful/tension filled family situation either with my mom/sister or with hubby. This time I'm writing just to write but to also sort things out in my head. Earlier today I was feeling revved up and good about things. This term of school seems to be going better. I'm in my 8th term and retaking Social Psychology. I've been doing better with the discussion boards and I spoke to the professor via email and got more clarification on our first project. I misunderstood and had a confusing explaination the first time around and now I know I can knock out that first paper no problem.

My day got kind of derailed when my father in-law called to say that a friend of his had finally passed away who had been fighting cancer for the last year or so. I think he had the impression that I couldn't handle the news. He hasn't got a clue about my history with that vicious monster know as cancer. I've laid more friends and family to rest in the last 25 years then anyone should ever have to. At this point we have no specifics on the funeral arrangements but his father wants him to come down for the service. I tried to explain to him that the visit would depend on Josh's work schedule and if he'd be able to take the leave time to come down. I know his dad and stepmom want/need the family/moral support. I'm hoping things will be late in the week or on the weekend so that we won't be gone from home during the work week when I'm sure they'll need Josh for something. Also right now cash is really tight and we'll need to use the credit card for the drive down for gas and such. Also figuring out what to wear would be rough I have tried to dispose of all the black in my wardrobe. This is a situation I am NOT looking forward to.

So why oh why.....

Do I feel the need to write when my sister acts all retarded????? OK some back ground here. She has three boys she's 27 and her oldest is 8. When she got pregnant she was living under my mothers roof right? When you live at home with your parents unless you help pay rent they expect you to live by their rules usually correct? OK so my sister does none of this of course then gets annoyed with my mother for leaving my sister to have to deal with the consiquenses of her choices and actions. My sister gets pissed off cause 'mom isn't helping her out, and abandoned her and her baby'. Mind you my sister had the baby daddy living in the house all that time. So my sis and mom are on the outs for a while and sis has to move out of state with the kids and the now hubby/babies daddy. They move back home to their home state mom helps them out as much as she is able. Well several times in my moms current relationship she's gone to my sister for help, looking for a place to stay when she and her STBX were on the outs. Each time mom has gone to stay with my sis she's done what she can financially to help her out. Well mom is in the position of living with sis again and the kids (all boys) are totally undisciplined and her youngest one has actually thrown stuff at mom and caught her in the face. So mom stays with my sis and is suppose to take what ever abuse the grandkids dish out. She's suppose to stay quiet and not discipline the kids in any way. Mind you my sister is a stay at home mom. All her kids are school age and she sits at home and does NOTHING for the six hours her kids are in school during the school year. She curses at the kids, and from what mom tells me she also has a habit of tripping them for no reason. So at the moment my sister is pissed off because my mother actually has the 'nerve' to tell her kids how to behave!!! This kind of shit totally pisses me off. Funny thing is my dad doesn't want to be around my sisters kids either imagine that!!!! Wonder why that is? My sister has no control over her kids and when she does things she tortures them for no reason. Now she doesn't beat them senseless but she doesn't consider her actions when she 'plays' with them then she gets annoyed because they all cry at the drop of a hat and her youngest one has the nastiest temper, he's extremely volatile, has a habit of hitting and throwing things at people when he's pissed off. Whew talk about some bullshit!!!! Seriously if mom is going to be living with them and helping them pay bills and buy food for the house she should have just as much right to discipline the kids as the parents do!!!! Especially if the parents aren't doing their 'job' and the kids are intentionally hurting eachother or other adults around them.

Happy 110th Birthday USN Submarine Force

Where do I even begin with this post? The party was great. Josh and I enjoyed socializing. The ceremonial part was very somber and for the grace of God my husband and the crew of the USS San Fransisco were not on the list of the ships lost at sea and on eternal patrol. The event lasted about six hours or so. We left around midnight and I knew I was in no real shape to be driving. Josh figured he was good to go. We get on the road and first he has no idea about the area we're in, second he really didn't pay attention to speed limit signs or didn't notice any. We eventually get pulled over for speeding and Josh immediately gets a breathalizer test. I'm guessing he tested rather high or just over the legal limit. The officer that pulled us over was feeling generous because he was giving Josh about a half hour then retesting. First to stop was Josh's COB which wasn't great but could have been worse. Second to stop was Josh's First Class which was an absolute blessing. The COB spoke to the officer and the first class. The COB promised that Josh would NOT be driving himself home and had the first class drive us home. The first class also pulled our car into the Visitor Center parking lot so we wouldn't get towed. So many things could have gone wrong with the whole situation, like Josh blowing over the limit again and having to go into lock up. We also would have had to pay towing fees to get our vehicle off the side of the road, and we may have gotten hit with both a DUI and a speeding citation. Now the COB I'm sure will have chewed Josh up one side and down the other today at work. I don't know what the extent of the damage will be but he asked the first class to keep the situation quiet.

So much going on here yet at the same time not much. I'm backed up on school stuff partially because Eric being needy won't allow me to focus all the way on the things I need to be doing and part of it is my own lack of motivation. As of right now I'm taking the next term off. I'll log in to keep up with emails and such just so my account stays active and I stay in the system but at this point after having had a bad gall bladder attack some time late Monday night I really need to get my gall bladder removed and I also need to work on my diet much more then I am currently. I am too much of a junk food junkie and I continue to gripe about my weight and loose skin but I haven't really been making an effort to drop the weight that I need to drop. If there are issues with sagging/loose skin after I drop weight then I can worry about any kind of plastic surgery. I like the fact that I have some cleavage but will lose that once I start dropping weight.

Viv this post is just for you!!!!!!!

My very first giveaway.... hopefully this works!!!
I know my blog is not popular... first of all I don't post on a daily basis and I don't have all the fancy fonts and decorations and pictures to post yet. Not to mention that sometimes my posts are controversial and they sometimes can be offensive to those who are of a sensitive constitution (lol big words). So I thought I would try my first giveaway and hopefully gain a few minions (followers) and maybe have someone contribute a great idea! Most of those that know me know that I am a HUGE fan of midnight theater showings and I wouldn't even mind camping out days in advance to be the first one in line! I will keep banging my head on the wall for not getting to the New Moon release EARLY!!! I waited in line and I seriously felt like I was waiting in line to get on a ride at Disneyland ONLY worse because half the people that were there had not even read the books and that pissed me off beyond belief! This time around for ECLIPSE I am planning to campout from the AM until they let me into the theater. I know it will be the middle of the summer but I really don’t want to have to scrounge for seats once I get into the theater :) In addition I will make sure my vehicle is decorated with window paint. For Twilight it was decorated and for New Moon I got some smack talked to me at work about it but I really didn’t care it was so much fun getting thumbs up from little girls and getting honked at by Twilight MOMs too! We (my girls and nieces and I) even went to Snottsdale Fashion Mall to go see the Volturi Felix and Demitri last year! AND I hate malls with a passion, yeah, I know I am insane, but I counted it as my yearly mall trip so it was all good!!As usual I am planning to take my 2 daughters Elissa (who is on Team "E"dward Fan) and Alexa (who is on Team "J"acob) and my 2 nieces Tissbeth (Team E) and Yajaira (Team J). For New Moon I had suggested to my girls to make some T-shirts for the movie and they said yeah but really not enough time to plan and it really wasn’t thought out thoroughly! This year I will be prepared though and I am making t-shirts for them as a bonus gift for the release of ECLIPSE. I know that Hot Topic and Wal-Mart and many other stores have t-shirts and such but I want these t-shirts to be made by me with their names on them! I know that some think it is cheesy but I really think it will be fun and one day when my girls have maybe outgrown their obsession with ALL THINGS TWILIGHT I hope it will be a happy memory that they can reminisce about with each other and tell their daughters and granddaughters about.I am even making T-shirts for Jason and for my brother Gabe. LOL those are going to be hilarious! I won’t share what those shirts are going to say just yet!So I am doing my first giveaway ever! The prize is going to be a T-SHIRT of your own! Here is how to enter:1. You get (3) entries for giving me a T-shirt idea (remember it has to include their names and also remember that they have different TEAMS.)2. You get (1) entry for becoming a follower of my blog.3. You get (1) entry for posting a comment on this post.4. You get (1) entry for blogging about this post. (let me know you have blogged about it by leaving a comment so I can check it out~~which really means you did #3 and #4 all in one shot!)The deadline will be April 1st midnight Arizona timeGood luck!

OK so a friend of mine has been on Blogger for a while posting about the goings on in her crazy life. She's a busy girl with four kids and a job in law enforcement she's a no nonsense kind of person. She's a straight talker and can some times be a bit controvercial. Here is a link to her latest blog along with the post. Some of you may enjoy her writing and find it a bit amusing.

I was Country, when Country wasn't cool!

Wow I look back on some of my old classmates from grade school and the 'high hair' and crazy dress fads that were going on in the 80s and 90s and boy let me tell you am I glad that I really didn't go too crazy following all of that. I just spent a couple of hours talking to someone I went to grade school with. We transferred into the same school from different schools at the same time. Since the 5th grade we've been friends who have lost touch on and off over the years. The last time we saw each other in person was quite by accident when I was home visiting family while I was early in my active duty career. As it turned out this guy had also gone into the Navy after high school. I was just starting out and he was more then half way done with his career. Funny looking back at some of our school pictures its funny how people thought of him and I and where we would be when we 'grew up' who knew he'd end up being six foot tall and slender and good looking. Those kids that gave him hell I bet are swallowing their tongues now. As for me I never made it back home for a class reunion and probablly never will. I have gotten in touch with some of these people again and they have grown up quite a bit from 'the good ole days'. Some of them were even decent enough to apologize for treating me like crap as a kid. It's some times truly amazing where life takes people and brings them back to as they go through all the obsticles. Funny how the guy Ray who joined the Navy after HS turned out, as a kid he was continuously sloppy looking and his appearance did a complete 180 when I saw him during that brief visit home. During that same visit I also saw another kid John who was one of those kids who had facial hair in like 8th grade. Full head of hair and always well dressed. When I saw John again a few years after HS and college he was dressed in a dirty uniform either custodial or plumbing or mechanic and he was beyond bald and really heavy. Just goes to show how Karma can be.

Totally in love with my snuggle baby!!!!

Today has been one of those days where Eric and I have just been relaxing on the couch for the most part. He's been in a very snugglly mood and in a happy on the go mood for the last few days as well. Today I let him outside to play for a while because the weather is just too beautiful for him to be indoors. So he's back to playing in his dirt piles and having an absolute blast. I feel like my pristiq really isn't working like I think it should be. I'm still not really motivated to do anything. I'm not motivated for school, or house work. About the only thing I enjoy is being with Eric. He keeps me busy and he keeps me happy. There are times when I wonder what in the world are you thinking child and there are other times when I'm amazed by his thought processes. Lately he's been enjoying his outdoor crayons Outside for an hour and he comes in grabs he juice cup and keeps on going!!!!! Yay for him being so damn exhausted later tonight he won't know what to do with himself. I'm so thankful for this yard!!!!! I've got a great privacy fence. The fencing stands about 6 feet tall or so and is wood slat so no one knows my lil guy is in the yard when he's quiet. I don't have to worry about somone seeing him from the road and trying to snatch him out of the yard. Should be interesting in a couple of years when Josh wants to build his tool shed/boat storage space and add another concrete driving/parking pad in front of the house. Will be nice to be debt free and make improvements on the house. I'm excited to see how that will all work out. Might even be able to get Josh to build a bigger play/club house for Eric.

Thank God for small miracles!!!!!

Well I realized that I hadn't been paid my GI Bill money for a couple of months and so I finally called the VA to make sure that they certified me for school. Turns out I hadn't been paid since Dec. so I was owed Jan, Feb, and this month as well. I did this either just this past Thurs. or Fri. Talk about timing? Josh and I have been going a little nuts over spending, more so because Josh and I don't really communicate about what we are spending and how we are spending. I spend based on what I know has to be paid because I look at our accounts every day so I sit and figure out all the bills that absolutely have to come out each pay period. Josh on the other hand goes eh I need money so I'll go to the ATM and pull money out if he sees that there is money in the account or he just uses his check card until there is no money on it left to use. Usually between paydays we'll have a couple hundred dollars to 'hold us over' til the next pay day but for the last two pay days we've been over drawn now. Things have come up like the school not being paid during a certain time period so they decide to call me an academic year later and go Oh by the way you still owe us $XYZ I'm like great so how to I set up payments to back pay this? So yeah with Josh's pay check being the only steady income in the house and extra bills coming up that we weren't having to pay before things have been rouigh. I'm hoping to be able to clear up things with school pretty much almost completely. It would be really nice to be able to have some kind of cash in hand after all that is paid so that I can cover the over draft in the checking account and also make a couple of payments on some credit cards. I'm also hoping to give us quite a bit of breathing room once our taxes are finally in as well. With some meneuvering I'm hoping to get Josh's credit card paid all the way down to zero and get my JCPenney card paid down to zero and work on paying off my Loft Master Card and my Walmart card. The crappy part about the taxes at the moment is the fact that we couldn't E-file because of the 1st time home buyers credit. So I have to snail mail our taxes in and wait on them to snail mail us back a check which could take up to God only knows how long. I am thankful however when they did our taxes this year they also included our schooling and that gave us extra cash at tax time as well. Yay for hitting pay dirt!!!!! Hopefully this will get us out of the hole and we won't ever ever ever be here again. I did the smart thing and cut up all my credit cards with the exception of my JC Penney card so that I at least have that for Birthday and Christmas shopping for Eric and Josh. Penney's is about the only place I can go and buy decent clothes for Josh that he's actually comfortable wearing.

Why am I writing this at three in the morning instead of a normal time of day???? Because I woke up in pain from another gall bladder attack and I took meds that are some what kicking in. The pain was just enough not to allow me comfortable sleep and now I'm just kind of wound for sound. The funny thing is when I came out to the livingroom area to see if I could get comfy out here, some thing prompted me to check the accounts and thats when I saw that I'd be getting paid by the VA!!!! Funny how once I checked on that the pain wasn't nearly as intense and I immediately seemed to feel quite a bit better. At this point all I can say is wow! I'm glad I don't have credit cards out the behind with large credit limits. I can't wait to get my credit cleared up. The last thing we need is to have credit issues after buying a house. Unfortunately we didn't have a choice in making some of the improvements to the house that we've needed to make. Changing out the flooring in the kitchen and living areas turned out to be a must. There were loose and cracked tiles in the house and the carpeting in the living area was so saturated with dog urine there was no way to get the smell out. At any rate we put the entire expense of the house improvements both interior and exterior on Josh's credit card which was probablly one of the biggest no no's we could have ever made. The other thing I'm thankful for is the money I have put away that we can borrow against. That has saved our behind more then once or twice. Hopefully once we get past these credit card issues then it will be smooth sailing agian. I just hope that we will do better with the checking account and not over drawing on it on any kind of a regular basis. Would be nice to actually put money away and put money back in Eric's savings account since I borrowed from it so damn much. I'm hoping this saves us til pay day as well because Eric is going to need diapers before then and juice as well. All I can say is credit cards are the DEVIL!!!!!!! they suck you in and then BAM!!!!! OK well I really should attempt to go back to bed and get some rest because I'm sure my lil sweet pea will be up in about three to four hours!!!!

Just another lazy Sunday

So its just after 10 AM and I feel like I've been up for hours. The day isn't even half over and I feel like it should be after lunch time. So I finally got off my ass and just downloaded the copy of Microsoft Office 2003 that I had on to my laptop instead of having to pay a few bucks for a product code for MS Office 2007, especially since I can download a patch off the puter for free that will allow 2003 and 2007 versions to convert back and forth between eachother if need be. I did this so I could actually sit at the kitchen table and work on papers on my laptop since hubby was video gaming in the 'office' all the time and I needed to be in a space where I could also keep an eye on the baby, so what happens. As I'm downloading the software so I can work at the kitchen table Josh decides he needs to come into the dining/living room area and play on the Wii!!!! Talk about pissing me off beyond belief. When I needed him to do that shit last weekend so I could work on a paper he couldn't be bothered. Seriously I just don't fucking get how he manages every single time to just fuck shit up. Makes me insane when I need him to keep an eye on the baby and he is so damn self absorbed that he can't be bothered so today I say hell with it and figure out a way to get work done on my laptop and all of a sudden he comes into the area where I'm working so he can play.

Coping with the bullshit!!!!

Why do people do this? My mother is 52 years old and her husband is maybe a few years older than that. Her and dad were married almost 25 years and both of them made a lot of mistakes but never made an effort to try and make it right in any way. They continued to be destructive to the marriage until they got divorced. After the divorce my mother wanted nothing to do with my father in any way shape or form even if it had to do with the kids. Her current husband is extremely controlling and possessive, he bad mouths her behind her back and calls her nasty names to her face and she's still falling all over herself for him. One minute she's talking about how she can't live with the way he treats her but after they 'split up' and started living at separate residences she's at his place just about every night and she'll stay for several days at a time. When she's with him she doesn't answer her phone, she either turns it off or ignores it all together. At the same time she bitches about how controlling he is. Who in their right mind does this shit to themselves and then bitches to their kids about it and expects the kids to 'be there for her'? I've told my sister she needs to pack all of mom's shit either in suitcases or garbage bags and put it out in front of her door and tell mom that if she's gonna be staying with her soon to be ex then she might as well live with him full time and not bother coming into her house at all since she can't seem to have any respect for anyone including herself. I guess I should be thankful that my sis and I haven't had any major/emergent issues where we'd feel the need to call and notify her because at this point I don't even think we can rely on her for much of anything. She is so busy trying to stay in the 'good graces' of a man who absolutely doesn't value my mother as a person. Not only did he talk shit about her when I was on the outs with her but I've seen him put his hands on her and physically hurt her when he was only 'playing/joking around'. Honestly all of this crap pisses me off and makes me sick. You really have no idea how bad I just want to fly home and beat the crap out of my stepfather for being such an asshole toward my mother. While I'm at it I'd like to slap my mother across the face and tell her to wake the fuck up and get her head out of her ass and go for some counseling. Unfortunately my mother can't be a whole individual without being part of someone elses life. I guess since the only thing my mother has ever really known is abuse that's all she can relate to. Since her dad treated her like shit, used and abused her and told her she was good for nothing and was so damn controlling that they didn't ever have friends over the house that she had to find a guy just like dear old dad. Don't get me wrong my dad wasn't perfect he had his issues like drinking excessively and seem to abuse prescription medication but my mom was free to come and go as she pleased and my dad never really gave her a hard time. He also busted his ass and put in a lot of long hours and drove long haul so there were times he wasn't home for days/weeks at a time. But he brought home the paycheck that helped pay the bills and get cars repaired that had issues. It's amazing how different both of them are. Funny how when my parents separated my mom couldn't get rid of dad fast enough and all she did was talk bad about him. Dad on the other hand never wished mom any ill feelings all he wanted was for things to just be over.

Hell my mom wouldn't go be with my sister when she had any of her kids because my dad was in the hospital. Really what the hell does that have to do with seeing your daughter and your grandkids being born? Seriously I don't think my mother actually gets that her effed up ass attitude is going to cause her to die a bitter, lonely old woman. I guess all I can say is I'm glad I don't live even remotely close to the place I used to call home. I've had my mom call me to tell me her husband was in the hospital for an 'enlarged heart' after that episode he was out of work for like three months or so mind you my mom was still not working because he didn't want her to work!!!!! So yeah they got behind on bills and ended up having to file for bankruptcy. The good car that my mom had got repossessed because they couldn't make the payments. Now my mom is driving a piece of shit that has to have transmission work. Mom has no money saved up because every time her 'husband' overdrew the account she had to bail them out of shit from her savings. Seriously WTF is up with that shit???!!!! The more I think about all this crap and how my mother is just fucking up her life the more pissed off I get!!!!

Don't get me wrong my marriage is far from perfect but Josh isn't controlling. I can go out if I wish. I can have friends and we don't have to call each other a million times a day to 'check up on one another'. Also Josh would never purposely leave me with no money and no transportation to get around out of spite, greed or selfishness. On the contrary Josh stresses about making sure we have enough money to pay our bills so we don't end up overdrawn and that we don't over spend our expendable income before the following pay day. We have two vehicles that are fully paid for we have a motorcycle fully paid for and a canoe fully paid for. So hubby has fabulous credit, as evidenced by the fact that we just recently bought a home and the monthly payments only take up about half of our military housing allowance. The other half of that is more then enough to cover our cellphone, house phone, Internet, TV, and our other utilities every month. The rest of the money is tied up in investments like a land loan, a newer vehicle, an IRA and a share savings certificate loan. I guess this is where I take the time to count my blessings!!!!

An email that just made my week!!!!

I just got an email from my sweetie that he sent out about 5 hours ago. It wasn't a long drawn out email but it was great to know he was able to get in touch with me. I've been keeping him posted as best I can about things going on here. I think I've sent him three or four emails with no response. So it was great to to get even two or three lines from him. I'm holding things together just fine here. I've been trying to be good about not over spending and making sure that we have money between pay days to work with if we need it for anything.

Just another day in the neighborhood

Whoa Monday Monday, in three days I have a dental appointment and a therapy appointment, talk about a party. So far so good coping with things while Josh is away. Let me tell you I kind of wigged out a little last night because I forgot that I had not locked the sliding glass door to the yard and I turned on the yard light and didn't realize I had done it. When I came back from our little play date I went through the house locked and loaded hoping no one else had been in the house. I locked the house down last night any and every single door and window. I have left overs in the fridge that I need to put to use. I'm thinking some pasta and chicken marinara type set up for tonight. Ugh I've also got laundry to take care of but BLEH!!!!! Who the heck wants to worry about laundry when its just me and the lil guy we don't go anywhere. I was gonna let Eric in the yard to play for a bit but its rather overcast and chilly out. I've still got homework to take care of that I don't even want to think about. I am seriously in the mood for a nap but I need to put Eric down for the time being.

Just another day in paradise...

Well here I sit all by my lonesome just trying not to lose my mind I thought I did rather well the last couple of nights. Yesterday I stayed busy by making sure I took care of Eric's birth cert. and his soc. sec. card stuff even though it was pouring rain all day. Then yesterday evening I went over to our friends', Claire and Mike's house with Eric for a while and he played with their golden lab, Valentino. That was a totally cute site to see. He could have easily knocked Eric into next year but he was so gentle with him it was great!!! I brought all my busted up chairs over there for Mike to fix for me since he has a decent workshop out of his garage and he's retired so he does a lot of stuff in his spare time. It was really nice to get away from my own company for a while. Don't get me wrong I don't have issues with my own company but I can only watch so much TV, play on the computer so much, and read so much before I start climbing the walls. I'm not sitting here depressed and over thinking my life. It's actually pretty damn sweet and I have no need to complain about anything at all just a little lonely right now. I'm hoping maybe I'll get an email or something to that effect while Josh is gone. I guess we'll see. I did send him under way with a box of sweettart hearts and a card so I hope he opens the card tomorrow and thinks of us. Eric is hanging in there for the most part but I think he realizes daddy isn't here because his eating habits have changed up again and he's not eating like usual. Also he's sucking down so much juice its not even funny. He's also probablly having constipation issues even though he's drinking lots of juice. Who knows. I need to be doing more stuff for class but I'm being a lazy bum. I'll work on things tomorrow and Monday and then work towards the next unit at the start of the unit week which is Wed. I better get my behind to bed before it becomes another late night. I know Eric will be up somewhere between 7 and 8 in the morning and I like my beauty sleep.

And they're off.....

How do I express what is going on inside my head, inside my heart? I thought Josh being underway would not feel as gut wrenching as it does. I didn't stop to think before he left about the last time he was under way. I almost became a widow as part of that evolution. I'm trying my best not to fall apart. Things are so different now from when Josh and I were in Guam, or even in WA state. I seriously wish that I'd had Eric in WA instead of here. At least over there I could have hung out with Leah for a good bit of the time. Don't get me wrong I love Sarah, she's totally awesome!!!! She has so much going on in her home its not even funny, my kid is calm and unobtrusive compared to her two youngest ones and her 'middle' child. So she's always got insanity at her place and its hard to say OK lets pack up the kids and go to dinner or go here or go there. Just really effin sucks. I know I bitch a lot about all the little pet peeves I have with Josh but I truly do feel it when he's not here. This is my first night sleeping alone in several years and I'm sure I'll handle it just fine but thinking about how things were before when he was under way makes things rough. When I didn't have to worry about a little person I got up and went where I wanted when I wanted. Now I don't have very many choices on where I can go without thinking of my son first. I'm thankful we have a home of our own with a huge yard that Eric enjoys playing in. I wish my self motivation and ambition went a lot further then it does. Unfortunately I am a great idea person and have a really rough time with follow through. We shall see what the next few days holds.

Man when it rains it pours!!!!

First I have to say, we bought our first house two and a half months ago now. I also started my 6th term of college two days before we closed on our home. OK fine we had started packing some things ahead of time that we knew we really didn't need. We got moved in and pretty much settled right around Thanksgiving time. That was great!!!!! We had my inlaws here from Thanksgiving til the end of Nov. They came back for Christmas and stayed through the New Year. I love them dearly but in all that time getting class work done was absolute hell. With all the adults that were in the house I couldn't get anyone to watch the baby or keep him out of my hair for a few hour so I could get any work done. I ended up having to request an extension for this class and everything us due by Feb. 5th. I have 5 days to get the rest of the work done and turned in and hope I at least make it out of the class with a C. I thought, OK inlaws are gone I can get back on some kind of a routine and figure out when I can get class work done. No such luck. Now I'm working on crunch time. I started my second paper and I'm a page in but I need to brush up on things. I also have discussion boards that need done and two other papers that need worked on as well. Talk about absolute insanity. Oh and my next term starts on the 2nd of Feb. YAY!!!! Unfortunately Josh really isn't taking my online courses seriously, so he doesn't help keep the baby out of my hair because of course he can't be without his computer. So he's in the room right next to me playing and goofing off all weekend long and during the week when he comes home from work early but has the nerve to complain when I'm not doing something fast enough for his liking. I just don't understand where his logic is, why is it that all his shit including his gaming is so much more important then anything I do. Hell even his son is less important then his time to himself. Hell Saturday all day I was sick as a dog, throwing up so bad that when I stood up I was dizzy, you think my husband would actually look after our son and change his diapers and make sure he was fed, and had his juice? Nope, I had to do laundry and make sure that Eric was taken care of. I don't know how many times I stopped in the middle of the work I was doing to be sick. Then when I wasn't cleaning clothes or caring for Eric I was in bed. Can you believe my husband had the nerve to be disgusted with me and annoyed with me for being ill enough to be in bed all day. Now mind you I woke up at 7:30 to feed breakfast to Eric, made sure he was changed and fed, started laundry, tried to keep up with our son as best I could and laid down when I had the chance. Finally Josh went out and I was in bed half an hour after I put Eric to bed and slept til half past 9 yesterday morning. Hoping to drop Eric with a friend and spend a few hours getting some serious work done on these papers and some of this discussion board stuff... Its insane... when it rains it pours... the last couple weeks I was gonna make an effort to get stuff done and then Eric got sick, he ran a fever up and down and all over the place for a week, then he's had a cold for a week and been clingy and needy, and now I'm sick as a damn dog... WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any way it will eventually all come together... Cant wait to get all the stuff from this past term behind me!!!

It's been a while

For a change I'm not writing about the annoyances in my life. I'm not sweating the small stuff. There has been a lot going on. The biggest and most positive one is the fact that we have a new home address. Hubby changed commands a bit sooner then was originally planned but we didn't move out of the local area. We purchased a house about a week or so before Thanksgiving. Buying the house was probablly one of the best decisions we've made in a really long time. Owning a home has it's ups and downs but for the most part we haven't had any major issues with the structure or the grounds themselves. Thankfully we don't belong to an HOA so we don't have to worry about rules, regulations and excessive fees for extrainious bullshit. Outside of making sure we follow city ordinences and such we don't have to worry about a neighbor telling someone they don't like something about our home and then having the wrath of God come down on us from the president of the HOA. I started the current term two days before we closed on the house and I spent most of the time from then til Christmas trying to get things settled in and we had company for Thanksgiving and Christmas so my school work got set on a back burner for quite a while. Right now I'm backed up but I did get in touch with the professor before the start of the term and let her know that I was expecting things to get backed up and such. She's willing to grant me an extension but I'm hoping I won't really need it I'm hoping like hell I can be mostly caught up by this weekend. Being able to sit and focus has been hell for me but I'm working on it as best I can.

In other news my mother has finally decided her second marriage is over. Hell they weren't even married five full years I think or maybe just past that. I think they got married April 2004. So by the time the divorce is finalized it will have been about five and a half years they were actually married. I told my mom a while back when she was having issues with him what my perception was of him by some of the things she had said to me and also by the way I had seen him treat her. He came off as jealous, posessive and controlling and didn't like to be treated in the same manner. From me she didn't want to hear it. So the girls at work told her the same thing. When she called and told me what was going on, I told her straight up that she never seemed genuinely happy with him. They always seemed to have some kind of tension between them. What could I do. I just told her if she needed me I'd be there in what ever way I could. I just hope she seriously sticks to her guns and doesn't go back to him. Seriously I think she needs to work on herself for a while. She needs to get herself, her emotions, and her life back on track. She needs to focus on being happy with herself. I think she spent so much time resenting others for the situations she put herself in that she seriously didn't know how to put blame on herself for anything. She didn't know how to accept ownership of her faults and get beyond them. I love my mom with all my heart even when there are times that I really don't like her as a person and I truly hope that she can find peace and happiness within herself that I don't think she ever really had.