Gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

So hubby and I are down to the wire trying to make the date for the closing on the house. I was hoping we'd be able to move it up because the seller is unable to be at the closing on the 10th. So we figured we'd try and move it up to the 9th but talk about all kinds of damn drama just to get a signature page sent back to us. Really?!?!?! Any way we are cutting things really really close. We are having funds wired between accounts and it can take any where from three to seven business days to get that done. What I don't understand is that all this stuff is mostly in Josh's name but he couldn't be bothered to take the time to make the phone calls. So we may have to push back the closing another week until the funds come in to pay out. Talk about some serious pain in the ass bullshit!!!! Hopefully the signature sheet comes back on legal size paper so I can print the full document and take it over to the lawyers office, and scan it to make sure it gets emailed to our lender before closing. Ugh talk about making me freaking crazy. To top things off I have to pack this whole damn house up pretty much by myself. I've asked hubby a couple times hey when are we going to start taking stuff over to the other place. He says to me, when you start packing boxes.... I looked at him like OK and the 15 boxes of books that are still in the garage that were never really unpacked those don't count as boxes that are packed??? Seriously how does he expect me to get anything done if I can't even really contain the baby. And if I pack where the hell am I suppose to put everything. Right now our garage has a motor cycle, a lawn mower, three shelving units, a bunch of empty large plastic totes, a large plastic tote with camping gear in it. Really how the hell am I suppose to do all this shit myself. I can throw all the clothes and what not in plastic garbage bags no big deal but how the hell am I suppose to box up all the nit picky shit out of the drawers and that is laying around the house. Never mind his tools, and our pots and pans? How do I get around all of the mess to sort stuff out. And with the weather changes and the dampness lately we've had several visits from 'palmetto bugs'. Not cool, not cool at all. So yeah I'm dreading going through stuff in the garage and have all these bugs come crawling out of stuff for the couple times we've had issues with the heating/cooling unit in the garage where we've had water on the floor who knows what some of our books look like by now. I just really really am not enthused about this move at all. Right now I'm of the mind that it would have been a hell of a lot better if we were going back over seas or moving back across the country, at least someone else would be doing the packing and moving for us. The only thing we'd have to worry about is unpacking at the other end.

Still feeling like hammered ass!!!!

I don't think I've ever been sick this long in my life. Seriously with the exception of being pregnant I've never gone this long where I felt like I just wanted to crawl in a hole and not come out til everything was over. I went from one kind of cough/cold issue to another. First it was some kind of bronchial chest congestion mess and now I have a head cold with cough that I just can't seem to shake and its been a month or more. Josh is finally comfortable and I think Eric is also to the point where he's not totally miserable and constantly sneezing and coughing. I'm the only one with the inability to sleep now. So that is totally great!!! Just makes me crazy and cranky. I would really really really really LOVE to be sound asleep right now but no such luck. I've been up about an hour. I figure it's a really good thing that I went to bed early last night. Not that I slept all that great but still at least I tried to make up for all the nights I've been staying up way too late over the last several weeks. Eric hasn't been too happy with going to bed here at his grandparents house. He's not a fan. These are the times I really wish we were back home where Eric has all his own stuff. He may not take naps in the afternoon any more but at least he sleeps 13 hours straight at night and doesn't fuss nearly as much when I put him down. For two nights in a row now he's managed to throw the most unholy fit at bed time.

God please be with us in allowing this possible house purchase to go through without drama and road bocks. At this point it would be nice to have space for everyone and not have Eric in a room with us when we visit the inlaws. From the sounds of this house we'd have enough room for everyone and a room to spare for any additional children and we'd even be able to have a separate library/office.

Time just marches on....

Josh and I are seriously discussing/contemplating buying a house in our current location. We are still waiting on orders and such to come through but he won't get anything until the new fiscal year starts. Guess we shall see what happens with that supposedly the new place is looking at the posibility of shifting location as well so he might have to geo bach for a while if we buy a house. Things are just nuts but at least we have an investment and we have stability once he's out he can go to school and we won't be renting/throwing our money away on living expenses. I'm so excited about all of this that I'm afraid I might jinx myself. School seems to be going really well right now also, for both of us. Josh is still hard charging and he's taken enough sociology classes to actually have sociology as a minor along with his major. How great is that. The class I'm currently taking seems to be going well. Right now after three weeks my cumulative grade for the class is a 93 so I'm a happy girl. If I can keep this up for the rest of the class my over all GPA will hopefully go up a couple of tenths of a point and I'll maybe even be at a 3.5 GPA but who knows. Just gotta keep plugging away at things. At this point I have nothing to be really profound about. I'm just taking things one day at a time and trying not to stress out.

Just too Peachy Keen

So thanks to my friend Carmen I've been inspired to blog about life in general. Let's see where to begin. Home life is great. My happy pills are keeping Josh and I on an even keel. I'm not as blah about stuff in general any more and I have energy to keep up with my lil guy so this is good. I'm still procrastinating about doing school work but at least when I finally get to it I'm able to focus on what I need to do. I've been living on Facebook lately and reconnecting with family that is oh so far away. I've also gotten in touch with friends from my childhood whom I haven't seen or spoken to in over 20 years. It's amazing who I remember from my past and who remembers me and why. As for my parents and my sister they all seem to be holding their own. My dad is going through a lot of medical stuff right now and I am doing my best to stay optimisitic about it all. He's been having some recurring health issues and he recently had a major throat infection that put him in the ER and on an IV Abs drip for several hours. Talk about scaring a few more gray hairs on to my scalp. School is holding steady I'm still at a B average and currently taking Religion and Culture. For now I'm three weeks in to the class and so far I've got an A in the class. We'll see by next weekend what my grade is like. Thankfully no really lengthy papers and such every couple of weeks for this one. I do however have weekly journal entries I have to make in order to complete a final project. Another one of the projects that I'll have to complete for this class is to interview a friend or family member about their spiritual path. I've already asked my FIL if he would mind me interviewing him and he actually sat and wrote out to me in an email about his spiritual quest. Let me tell you he's a great story teller and he had quite a story to tell. Info on Eric, he's getting big!!! He's 17 months and such a little monkey. He's gotten so many things figured out. He's figured out that he can grab his shoes and my hand and lead me to the door when he wants to go out of the house. Lately that is his biggest thing. He's not really talking yet but I think within the next six months or so I won't be able to stop him. He knows where his Nose is on his face he knows what his shoes are and he knows the words come on lets go out the door. He also knows that when I get him fully dressed and this includes socks and shoes that we are getting ready to leave the house and if I stop to do anything else after I've gotten him ready to go then he gets very impatient and whiney. In other words I better have my crap ready to go once I get him dressed. So far life is grand I just couldn't ask for anything better. Oh yeah Josh says he's glad about my happy pills now all I need are some horny pills and we'd be set for life. Oy, men some times!!! All I can do is shake my head.

Just the latest goings on

So Dad is on the mend. I called his house while I was in the ER for myself and let him know what was going on with me and he sounded much better then the day before. Dad ended up going with Linda and her family to the horse track and they haven't made it home yet. As for my escapades this morning I ended up going to the ER after calling Josh's dad and telling him that I had traces of blood in the stuff I was coughing up from my chest. He told me I needed to go get that checked out. Off I went to the ER at half past 8 this morning and was there til almost noon. I left there with a prescription for 500 mg. of amoxacillin 2 capsuls 3 times a day so I'm taking a total of 3000 mg. of Abs. daily for the next ten days. I was also given a script for a cough syrup with codeine in it. That should put me RIGHT OUT!!!! I'll be taking that stuff shortly. Let me tell you I am sooooo ready for a good nights sleep after how things have been the past two weeks or so.

Coping as best I can

I've had so much going on lately I don't even know where to begin. In the last month or so I've been diagnosed as clinically depressed. I have to say that after having it out with Josh about allowing me time to myself to actually get class work done to the point where I can actually focus things have been a bit better at home. Josh is just pinging away at his degree program and he'll be finishing a little later then he had hoped for because of the way summer classes were scheduled. We also had to pay out of pocket for these classes because all his tuition assistance had been used up for the fiscal year. Eric is growing like a weed. My dad is going through some hell. He's been having some health issues and went to see the neurologist yesterday and the tests they did showed something but they think its the machine and nothing to do with him. Well he's also been having some upper abdominal pain yesterday as well and he ended up in the ER at like 3 this morning and only got home around 1 or 2 this afternoon. When I spoke to him he told me he'd woken up about half past two throwing up and couldn't breathe, his airway had closed up. Well the Dr. said he has some kind of throat infection and he had swelling that had closed off his airway so he's on steroids to help the airway constriction and he's on amoxacillin pills and who knows what else they gave him. If he has any issues tonight or tomorrow and he has to go back to the ER they will be admitting him for observation. So he woke Linda and Grandma and had Linda call her dad to come and get them and take them all to the hospital. I'm glad that I spoke to dad last night about his Dr. visit and that there was a possibility he could end up going to the hospital. I was at least able to let Odie know what was going on because she had no clue and when she called the house this morning close to lunch time that he was at the hospital. I'm glad one of us had a clue what the hell was going on with dad because I know Odie would have lost her mind if she had called me and I'd have been like I don't know what the hell is going on. I knew something was up when no one answered the phone at dads house this morning. I'm hoping that they are all in bed fast asleep. Please God help dad get better.

Just another day in the life....

At the moment I'm fighting with some kind of cold/flu something or another that my husband was kind enough to bring home and share with me. I've been feeling like crap. I cough so hard and so often I have a hard time catching my breath and the worst part about it is I'm not coughing up much of anything either. So hubby has been sick for about a month and I've been sick about two weeks. The lil guy has also been sick but he's got an inner ear infection in one of his ears so lucky him he got a bottle of amoxacillin to take so that's clearing out his sinuses like niagra falls. I've also started my 5th term at school and think I'll enjoy the class I'm taking this term. Thankfully I don't have to write any 5-8 page papers every two weeks or so but I will have 1 page journal entries to put together just about every other week. That shouldn't be too bad but I need to get on the ball with the reading and such. I tried to start and let me tell you it was ROUGH!!! I'm thinking I'll probablly do quite a bit better with this class then I have in the past few classes. I'm hoping for a high B and maybe even an A in the class that would be awesome. Later today I get the ball rolling on getting my class work done. I need to stay ahead of this because Josh is looking at going to his dads Labor Day weekend as planned provided we aren't all still coughing and hacking. I'm thinking as long as its taken him to deal with it I'll be just as long. Here's to hoping things get better.

ADHD, is it just a way for drug cos. to get rich?

When my sister was a child she was diagnosed with ADD and put on meds for about a year or so while she was in school. One of her teachers stated that they wanted to work with her without the meds and so she was taken off the meds and I don't think ever put back on the meds. She had issues with focus and concentration but she was smart she was actively listening to what was going on in class even when she didn't seem to be paying attention/ or being disruptive to others around her in class. I often wonder how things might have worked out for her if she had been kept on meds all through school. I wonder if she might have actually stayed in school more often and made an effort to actually work on things in class and stay more focused on the goal of advancing to the next grade. One year my sister essentially tested out of summer school after failing a grade for failure to show up to school.

I'm addressing this because of a few things I discussed with my psychologist about myself and my inability to focus or complete assignments in a timely fashion. I've been back in school for almost nine months now and my lack of time management and the ability to complete major assignments on time has just been getting worse and worse. Being a SAHM and online college student has been really rough on me the last couple of terms because of the major writing assignments and my seeming inability to get them completed on time. I get distracted very easily. Can't focus or concentrate and tune out the background noises of daily life in the home. I also am generally quite tired by the time I put my son to bed at night so I'm not able to stay up several hours at night to get work done. Often times I'll sit down to start working on things for school and I get distracted by something else that needs to get done such as laundry, or dishes or a trip to the store for something. I am constantly procrastinating. Even with this current term I'm retaking a class that I dropped out of last term and thought I was ahead of the game as far as getting research together and getting through the reading. No such luck. Now I'm not just one week but two weeks behind on my first project and I need to have my next project almost complete by this time next weekend. Talk about a goof off. Maybe once I see the psychiatrist and figure out if I could possiblly have ADHD and maybe go through some therapy and maybe get some meds in order to keep it under control then I'll be able to get myself organized and put together better.

How now brown cow????

So it's been a while since I rant or rave or whatever on here. I figured it was about time I did SOMETHING. Let's see. Last term I was stressing out over the papers I was going to have to do for two classes I was attempting to take. I finally withdrew from one of the classes hoping to make it easier on myself and it didn't exactly work out that way. I ended up having foot surgery the beginning of May and still ended up falling behind in the remaining class. Let me tell you that really sucked. If hubby hadn't helped me out I'd have failed the class. At any rate I ended up getting a B in the class I finished and this term I am retaking the class I withdrew from last term. On the plus side I have the book already and am a bit ahead as far as research material for the first paper. I will have to get in touch with the prof. for this class and clarify some things as far as getting the paper hashed out. I've got three papers witht he same basic principles and I'm going to definitely make sure I have all my shit in one sock to get these papers written and reviewed in a timely fashion.

Trying to get back on track

Here I sit at a local bakery trying to function and think. I have a paper that was due to be turned in four days ago. I managed to write out a rough draft but it looks like hell. I was trying to do this from home and it didn't seem to be working out very well. We shall see how well this works out. I had to drop my History of Psychology class because unfortunately hubby wasn't exactly being cooperative on the peace and quiet front so I could focus. I don't know that my current environment is any better but trying to keep up with Eric's needs has caused me to drop what I've been doing with class work in order to give him my undivided attention and by the time I put him to bed I'm ready for bed myself. This afternoon I napped so I'm hoping I can clean up this paper and get some posting done for class. Whew I hate hate hate to play catch up with work. I know next term I'll have to take the History of Psychology class all over again so I'm hoping to get a head start on the reading during the week break between terms.

The downward spiral of my marriage

Here I sit when I should be working on school stuff getting ready to vent about my husband and his insecurities. Thanks to all the bullshit and garbage from him I've decided to drop one class and go back to taking one class per term so that's 1 class every 10 weeks and I have 20 classes to go before my degree is completed. So I was going to take Easter Sunday to find a quiet space to go and work on reading for both my classes and work on posting to discussion boards and get both my papers started that are due this time next week. Well when I told Josh I was doing this on Sat. after he came back from being gone to a 'fair tax rally' with a 'buddy' of his for 5 hours he blew up at me and of course had the whole accusatory demeanor that I was going to screw around on him. Really? Are you that fucking insecure and controlling that I can't even go and find a quiet baby free space to get my school work done when you make the time to do all your shit at work because you get to fucking distracted at home with your computer games? Then of course I'm suppose to be ready to fuck you on demand when there is no sexual enjoyment in it for me. everything is about him. At this point everything is lip service on my end. His idea of an apology was sex at three in the morning yesterday. His idea of an I'm thinking about you card was something having to do with me being naked. I want to know what the hell happen to the guy who used to like spending time with me just hanging out riding around, going to used book stores, flea markets and Renaissance Fairs? Where the hell did the I just want to hold you and be with you guy go? What happened to the person who used to like curling up on the floor or sofa together to just read? Where the hell is the guy who needs to step up and be a dad? Yes his work is important and it keeps a roof over our head and food on the table but when he comes home his decompression time should be with his son and not his computer. Don't get me wrong, I spend more time on the computer and in front of the television then I should but my husband LIVES FOR HIS COMPUTER. I at least get up and tend to my son when he needs me. I don't sit and try to ignore him thinking he's being whiney. If I leave Eric with Josh for any length of time so I can give myself a bit of a break from going stir crazy I'm immediately dumping my son off on him. Seriously you act like I'm leaving you with someone else's kids.
So of course I'm the one who set up an appointment for myself to go to counseling because at this point I need someone to vent to who just might give me some perspective on why my husband acts like such an immature fucking jerkoff.

Just keep on keeping on

It's Tuesday night about 10 PM and I put my son down for the night at about 8:30. I'm trying to get him off going to bed with a bottle at night so I tried feeding him some stage three jar food before putting him down. He played for a bit and then went out like a light. I'm hoping that I fed him enough that he'll sleep throught he night without issues because I have to be up for a dental appointment at 8 in the morning. Right now I should either be in bed or reading for my classes but I'm not doing either one. I'm just curious what time my husband will decide he feels like coming home tonight. Twice now he's gone out, once to one place and didn't bother to call me to tell me he was changing venues and that he planned to be out more then just the original 'couple of hours' he mentioned before he left the house, and the second was his jaunt to go fishing with a buddy around noon, he told me after the fact that they got off the water at 6 PM and he didn't get home til almost 10 PM. Talk about seriously pissing me off. I'm like really, where the hell does he get off? You can't make a phone call to tell me what the hell is going on just in case something is going on in the house? Am I that unimportant that you just go about your merry way like you don't have a damn care in the world or anyone at home waiting on you? Is you son that unimportant to you that you would just show such a lack of consideration as to stop and mke a phone call. At this point I'm at the end of my rope with this bullshit and if he does it again I will leave him. This kind of crap I don't need. It's one thing for him to be on deployment and unreachable but for him to be just down the fucking street and act like he can't even pick up the fucking cellphone and call me and say 'hey babe I'm heading over to XYZ place for a few hours is that ok?' just kind of pisses me off. Apparently he just assumes that I'm ok with him being all over town getting drunk. Then he will sit at home and get drunk and accuse me of cheating on him when he's the one who doesn't want to be in the house.
On a personal level I'm having issues with my libedo and my overall appearance. I don't feel any kind of attractive and I have no real desire for sex. Its not just that I don't want to have sex with my husband, its more a case of I could care less if I never have sex again. At this point when I need to relieve tention in that department I do a better job by myself. My sex life hasn't been all that great for a few years now. I mean hell we have our moments where I actually see stars but it takes a lot of effort on my husbands part to get me there. He really doesn't want to be bothered putting in the effort to romance me and I just don't feel much of anything when he decides he's PMSing and needs to fuck or he'll bust apart. All that does is irritate me that he gets up the next morning with a shit eating grin on his face because he got laid and I get up in pain and disappointed at the previous nights events. I'm to the point where why bother?

So many things

Where do I even begin with what I have going through my mind. There has been so much going on. I guess I'll start with the good, positive stuff first. Eric has absolutely been growing in leaps and bounds. His first birthday was 4 days ago. He's been clapping his hands on his own, he's learned to walk without help and when he's holding my hand forget it, he's off and running. Today I took him to the health department to get his one year shots and we weighed him and measured him and he's 22.5 lbs and 29 1/4 inches long. Before I know it he'll be taller then me and probablly twice my weight. All I can say is WOW!!!! There is so much more I want to write about but I'm just too damn tired. Between the baby and School I'm so beat it isn't even funny.

Been a while.

So much has been going on. Nothing negative but a lot just the same. In the last year Josh has completed his first two years of college with honors in the top 10% of his class. All of this while working full time. Talk about determination and drive. Ok so he doesn't do as much here at home as I really wish he would but hell he busts his ass for school. Three days ago was our sixth wedding anniversary and it went by like just another day. We are both so busy just being who has time to remember the day we committed ourselves to eachother for life. I only thought of it after the fact. As for me I've finished up a second term. Earning my BS is a slow going process because I'm more worried about devoting time to my son. At this point I'm thankful I got Statistics out of the way. Everything else from this point forward should pretty much be a cake walk. Speaking of walking I watched my son take his first steps less then 12 hours ago. I was so excited I could just burst. I called my baby sister. Supermom extraordinare and she told me to have Eric practice by walking between Josh and I while we sat on the floor. Huh who knows Eric just might get the hang of walking by his first birthday... which is right around the corner... about two weeks away. Totally unbelieveable.

Eh bored but not enough to do homework

Here I sit at the moment getting ready to blog about a whole lot of nothing when I should be reading up for my Psychology class and working on my Statistics homework so I'm not trying to get it all done at the last minute. Hell I haven't even taken part in the discussion boards for this week yet. Its insane how I can manage to put things off. Earlier today I didn't get into my homework because I had a raging headache and the worst case of cramps I've had in a while. So I did other meanial things like laundry and dishes that didn't require much thought or concentration now here it is almost 10 PM I'm feeling better but have no desire to try and start any kind of reading or homework at this hour. I'm hanging in as best I can and I guess we shall see how things go as far as being able to keep my grades up in these two classes hopefully next week I won't have this issue. I have my first real 'project' for Psychology to start next week which I should really get started on research for this week. Thankfully for this class I only have three projects total and they are spaced out a bit from eachother. They all seem to be essay papers of about three pages so that shouldn't be too bad. The stats homework on the other hand is going to give me such a brain ache it isn't even funny.
Hmmmm let's see Eric is getting big and moving aroudn a lot. He's also picked up Mama. Yay, he's finally saying Mama and I love it. I was working on attempting to get dental implants and that got totally squashed by Josh because of the cost of each part of the work. So now my alternative if I want teeth is to go to my primary dentist and see if he can work on my lower partial and fix and adjust it in such a way that I can wear it comfortablly. We'll see how well that goes. I'll call them tomorrow and see if they have any appointments available. I know with the economy being the way it's been and with how bad most dental insurance sucks that a lot of people either aren't keeping dental appointments or they are not bothering to make them. Guess I'll see when I call up tomorrow, what they might have available.

Recent adventures in my life.

I've recently had a few things going on mostly good, some worrisome but good, and others have been outstanding. I'll start with Woogie Monster, he's doing great. He's crawling at a pace that scares me some times. He's been pulling himself up and standing and walking with help. Well today he's figured out a little more about balance and spent a few seconds at couple of different times during the day standing on his own without assistance. How cool is that???? He's getting to be such a big boy and he's the light of my life. Thankfully he's got the sweetest disposition and doesn't often get up from a nap or a nights sleep in a bad temper. He has also been pretty well behaved the few times I needed to get work done for school Let me tell you taking Statistics and Cognitive Behavioral Theory as online courses at the same time is truly rough. I know I don't have it bad because I'm a stay at home mom with a small child who thankfully can entertain himself for a while but boy the thought of all this stuff had me so overwhelmed at first. Well I"ve manage to get past my first Statistics assignment and we shall see how I did. I turn it in a few minutes late as I was still learning the ropes on how to create charts and graphs in an excel spreadsheet. I'm hoping now that I've got some of that stuff quite figured out I'll be able to work easier on other upcoming assignments. All I can say is thank goodness for my nextdoor neighbor and her kids because she helps to keep me sane and allows me to bring Eric over when I need to study when she's not working. By the same token I'm also glad to help her out and watch her two youngest when the two oldest ones aren't home so she can go to work for a few hours and earn some kind of money to help take care of the kids. I figure we help eachother out since she can't afford daycare and she can't afford to just stay home at least with some help she can afford to keep food on the table. She also asked me to help her get enrolled in college while her psycho husband/soon to be ex does his Army thing.*rolling my eyes* I figure if she can get into a certificate program maybe she can do medical transcription from home or something to this effect. She wants to try for her associates but that could be rough. I'll help her out as much as I can while Josh and I are still here but who knows what he'll have available for orders. He'd like to stay here. If that ends up being doable then I can finish school without stressing out and I can continue to help Sarah out. For the moment everything is wait and see.