An email that just made my week!!!!

I just got an email from my sweetie that he sent out about 5 hours ago. It wasn't a long drawn out email but it was great to know he was able to get in touch with me. I've been keeping him posted as best I can about things going on here. I think I've sent him three or four emails with no response. So it was great to to get even two or three lines from him. I'm holding things together just fine here. I've been trying to be good about not over spending and making sure that we have money between pay days to work with if we need it for anything.

Just another day in the neighborhood

Whoa Monday Monday, in three days I have a dental appointment and a therapy appointment, talk about a party. So far so good coping with things while Josh is away. Let me tell you I kind of wigged out a little last night because I forgot that I had not locked the sliding glass door to the yard and I turned on the yard light and didn't realize I had done it. When I came back from our little play date I went through the house locked and loaded hoping no one else had been in the house. I locked the house down last night any and every single door and window. I have left overs in the fridge that I need to put to use. I'm thinking some pasta and chicken marinara type set up for tonight. Ugh I've also got laundry to take care of but BLEH!!!!! Who the heck wants to worry about laundry when its just me and the lil guy we don't go anywhere. I was gonna let Eric in the yard to play for a bit but its rather overcast and chilly out. I've still got homework to take care of that I don't even want to think about. I am seriously in the mood for a nap but I need to put Eric down for the time being.

Just another day in paradise...

Well here I sit all by my lonesome just trying not to lose my mind I thought I did rather well the last couple of nights. Yesterday I stayed busy by making sure I took care of Eric's birth cert. and his soc. sec. card stuff even though it was pouring rain all day. Then yesterday evening I went over to our friends', Claire and Mike's house with Eric for a while and he played with their golden lab, Valentino. That was a totally cute site to see. He could have easily knocked Eric into next year but he was so gentle with him it was great!!! I brought all my busted up chairs over there for Mike to fix for me since he has a decent workshop out of his garage and he's retired so he does a lot of stuff in his spare time. It was really nice to get away from my own company for a while. Don't get me wrong I don't have issues with my own company but I can only watch so much TV, play on the computer so much, and read so much before I start climbing the walls. I'm not sitting here depressed and over thinking my life. It's actually pretty damn sweet and I have no need to complain about anything at all just a little lonely right now. I'm hoping maybe I'll get an email or something to that effect while Josh is gone. I guess we'll see. I did send him under way with a box of sweettart hearts and a card so I hope he opens the card tomorrow and thinks of us. Eric is hanging in there for the most part but I think he realizes daddy isn't here because his eating habits have changed up again and he's not eating like usual. Also he's sucking down so much juice its not even funny. He's also probablly having constipation issues even though he's drinking lots of juice. Who knows. I need to be doing more stuff for class but I'm being a lazy bum. I'll work on things tomorrow and Monday and then work towards the next unit at the start of the unit week which is Wed. I better get my behind to bed before it becomes another late night. I know Eric will be up somewhere between 7 and 8 in the morning and I like my beauty sleep.

And they're off.....

How do I express what is going on inside my head, inside my heart? I thought Josh being underway would not feel as gut wrenching as it does. I didn't stop to think before he left about the last time he was under way. I almost became a widow as part of that evolution. I'm trying my best not to fall apart. Things are so different now from when Josh and I were in Guam, or even in WA state. I seriously wish that I'd had Eric in WA instead of here. At least over there I could have hung out with Leah for a good bit of the time. Don't get me wrong I love Sarah, she's totally awesome!!!! She has so much going on in her home its not even funny, my kid is calm and unobtrusive compared to her two youngest ones and her 'middle' child. So she's always got insanity at her place and its hard to say OK lets pack up the kids and go to dinner or go here or go there. Just really effin sucks. I know I bitch a lot about all the little pet peeves I have with Josh but I truly do feel it when he's not here. This is my first night sleeping alone in several years and I'm sure I'll handle it just fine but thinking about how things were before when he was under way makes things rough. When I didn't have to worry about a little person I got up and went where I wanted when I wanted. Now I don't have very many choices on where I can go without thinking of my son first. I'm thankful we have a home of our own with a huge yard that Eric enjoys playing in. I wish my self motivation and ambition went a lot further then it does. Unfortunately I am a great idea person and have a really rough time with follow through. We shall see what the next few days holds.

Man when it rains it pours!!!!

First I have to say, we bought our first house two and a half months ago now. I also started my 6th term of college two days before we closed on our home. OK fine we had started packing some things ahead of time that we knew we really didn't need. We got moved in and pretty much settled right around Thanksgiving time. That was great!!!!! We had my inlaws here from Thanksgiving til the end of Nov. They came back for Christmas and stayed through the New Year. I love them dearly but in all that time getting class work done was absolute hell. With all the adults that were in the house I couldn't get anyone to watch the baby or keep him out of my hair for a few hour so I could get any work done. I ended up having to request an extension for this class and everything us due by Feb. 5th. I have 5 days to get the rest of the work done and turned in and hope I at least make it out of the class with a C. I thought, OK inlaws are gone I can get back on some kind of a routine and figure out when I can get class work done. No such luck. Now I'm working on crunch time. I started my second paper and I'm a page in but I need to brush up on things. I also have discussion boards that need done and two other papers that need worked on as well. Talk about absolute insanity. Oh and my next term starts on the 2nd of Feb. YAY!!!! Unfortunately Josh really isn't taking my online courses seriously, so he doesn't help keep the baby out of my hair because of course he can't be without his computer. So he's in the room right next to me playing and goofing off all weekend long and during the week when he comes home from work early but has the nerve to complain when I'm not doing something fast enough for his liking. I just don't understand where his logic is, why is it that all his shit including his gaming is so much more important then anything I do. Hell even his son is less important then his time to himself. Hell Saturday all day I was sick as a dog, throwing up so bad that when I stood up I was dizzy, you think my husband would actually look after our son and change his diapers and make sure he was fed, and had his juice? Nope, I had to do laundry and make sure that Eric was taken care of. I don't know how many times I stopped in the middle of the work I was doing to be sick. Then when I wasn't cleaning clothes or caring for Eric I was in bed. Can you believe my husband had the nerve to be disgusted with me and annoyed with me for being ill enough to be in bed all day. Now mind you I woke up at 7:30 to feed breakfast to Eric, made sure he was changed and fed, started laundry, tried to keep up with our son as best I could and laid down when I had the chance. Finally Josh went out and I was in bed half an hour after I put Eric to bed and slept til half past 9 yesterday morning. Hoping to drop Eric with a friend and spend a few hours getting some serious work done on these papers and some of this discussion board stuff... Its insane... when it rains it pours... the last couple weeks I was gonna make an effort to get stuff done and then Eric got sick, he ran a fever up and down and all over the place for a week, then he's had a cold for a week and been clingy and needy, and now I'm sick as a damn dog... WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any way it will eventually all come together... Cant wait to get all the stuff from this past term behind me!!!

It's been a while

For a change I'm not writing about the annoyances in my life. I'm not sweating the small stuff. There has been a lot going on. The biggest and most positive one is the fact that we have a new home address. Hubby changed commands a bit sooner then was originally planned but we didn't move out of the local area. We purchased a house about a week or so before Thanksgiving. Buying the house was probablly one of the best decisions we've made in a really long time. Owning a home has it's ups and downs but for the most part we haven't had any major issues with the structure or the grounds themselves. Thankfully we don't belong to an HOA so we don't have to worry about rules, regulations and excessive fees for extrainious bullshit. Outside of making sure we follow city ordinences and such we don't have to worry about a neighbor telling someone they don't like something about our home and then having the wrath of God come down on us from the president of the HOA. I started the current term two days before we closed on the house and I spent most of the time from then til Christmas trying to get things settled in and we had company for Thanksgiving and Christmas so my school work got set on a back burner for quite a while. Right now I'm backed up but I did get in touch with the professor before the start of the term and let her know that I was expecting things to get backed up and such. She's willing to grant me an extension but I'm hoping I won't really need it I'm hoping like hell I can be mostly caught up by this weekend. Being able to sit and focus has been hell for me but I'm working on it as best I can.

In other news my mother has finally decided her second marriage is over. Hell they weren't even married five full years I think or maybe just past that. I think they got married April 2004. So by the time the divorce is finalized it will have been about five and a half years they were actually married. I told my mom a while back when she was having issues with him what my perception was of him by some of the things she had said to me and also by the way I had seen him treat her. He came off as jealous, posessive and controlling and didn't like to be treated in the same manner. From me she didn't want to hear it. So the girls at work told her the same thing. When she called and told me what was going on, I told her straight up that she never seemed genuinely happy with him. They always seemed to have some kind of tension between them. What could I do. I just told her if she needed me I'd be there in what ever way I could. I just hope she seriously sticks to her guns and doesn't go back to him. Seriously I think she needs to work on herself for a while. She needs to get herself, her emotions, and her life back on track. She needs to focus on being happy with herself. I think she spent so much time resenting others for the situations she put herself in that she seriously didn't know how to put blame on herself for anything. She didn't know how to accept ownership of her faults and get beyond them. I love my mom with all my heart even when there are times that I really don't like her as a person and I truly hope that she can find peace and happiness within herself that I don't think she ever really had.

Gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

So hubby and I are down to the wire trying to make the date for the closing on the house. I was hoping we'd be able to move it up because the seller is unable to be at the closing on the 10th. So we figured we'd try and move it up to the 9th but talk about all kinds of damn drama just to get a signature page sent back to us. Really?!?!?! Any way we are cutting things really really close. We are having funds wired between accounts and it can take any where from three to seven business days to get that done. What I don't understand is that all this stuff is mostly in Josh's name but he couldn't be bothered to take the time to make the phone calls. So we may have to push back the closing another week until the funds come in to pay out. Talk about some serious pain in the ass bullshit!!!! Hopefully the signature sheet comes back on legal size paper so I can print the full document and take it over to the lawyers office, and scan it to make sure it gets emailed to our lender before closing. Ugh talk about making me freaking crazy. To top things off I have to pack this whole damn house up pretty much by myself. I've asked hubby a couple times hey when are we going to start taking stuff over to the other place. He says to me, when you start packing boxes.... I looked at him like OK and the 15 boxes of books that are still in the garage that were never really unpacked those don't count as boxes that are packed??? Seriously how does he expect me to get anything done if I can't even really contain the baby. And if I pack where the hell am I suppose to put everything. Right now our garage has a motor cycle, a lawn mower, three shelving units, a bunch of empty large plastic totes, a large plastic tote with camping gear in it. Really how the hell am I suppose to do all this shit myself. I can throw all the clothes and what not in plastic garbage bags no big deal but how the hell am I suppose to box up all the nit picky shit out of the drawers and that is laying around the house. Never mind his tools, and our pots and pans? How do I get around all of the mess to sort stuff out. And with the weather changes and the dampness lately we've had several visits from 'palmetto bugs'. Not cool, not cool at all. So yeah I'm dreading going through stuff in the garage and have all these bugs come crawling out of stuff for the couple times we've had issues with the heating/cooling unit in the garage where we've had water on the floor who knows what some of our books look like by now. I just really really am not enthused about this move at all. Right now I'm of the mind that it would have been a hell of a lot better if we were going back over seas or moving back across the country, at least someone else would be doing the packing and moving for us. The only thing we'd have to worry about is unpacking at the other end.