Eh bored but not enough to do homework

Here I sit at the moment getting ready to blog about a whole lot of nothing when I should be reading up for my Psychology class and working on my Statistics homework so I'm not trying to get it all done at the last minute. Hell I haven't even taken part in the discussion boards for this week yet. Its insane how I can manage to put things off. Earlier today I didn't get into my homework because I had a raging headache and the worst case of cramps I've had in a while. So I did other meanial things like laundry and dishes that didn't require much thought or concentration now here it is almost 10 PM I'm feeling better but have no desire to try and start any kind of reading or homework at this hour. I'm hanging in as best I can and I guess we shall see how things go as far as being able to keep my grades up in these two classes hopefully next week I won't have this issue. I have my first real 'project' for Psychology to start next week which I should really get started on research for this week. Thankfully for this class I only have three projects total and they are spaced out a bit from eachother. They all seem to be essay papers of about three pages so that shouldn't be too bad. The stats homework on the other hand is going to give me such a brain ache it isn't even funny.
Hmmmm let's see Eric is getting big and moving aroudn a lot. He's also picked up Mama. Yay, he's finally saying Mama and I love it. I was working on attempting to get dental implants and that got totally squashed by Josh because of the cost of each part of the work. So now my alternative if I want teeth is to go to my primary dentist and see if he can work on my lower partial and fix and adjust it in such a way that I can wear it comfortablly. We'll see how well that goes. I'll call them tomorrow and see if they have any appointments available. I know with the economy being the way it's been and with how bad most dental insurance sucks that a lot of people either aren't keeping dental appointments or they are not bothering to make them. Guess I'll see when I call up tomorrow, what they might have available.

Recent adventures in my life.

I've recently had a few things going on mostly good, some worrisome but good, and others have been outstanding. I'll start with Woogie Monster, he's doing great. He's crawling at a pace that scares me some times. He's been pulling himself up and standing and walking with help. Well today he's figured out a little more about balance and spent a few seconds at couple of different times during the day standing on his own without assistance. How cool is that???? He's getting to be such a big boy and he's the light of my life. Thankfully he's got the sweetest disposition and doesn't often get up from a nap or a nights sleep in a bad temper. He has also been pretty well behaved the few times I needed to get work done for school Let me tell you taking Statistics and Cognitive Behavioral Theory as online courses at the same time is truly rough. I know I don't have it bad because I'm a stay at home mom with a small child who thankfully can entertain himself for a while but boy the thought of all this stuff had me so overwhelmed at first. Well I"ve manage to get past my first Statistics assignment and we shall see how I did. I turn it in a few minutes late as I was still learning the ropes on how to create charts and graphs in an excel spreadsheet. I'm hoping now that I've got some of that stuff quite figured out I'll be able to work easier on other upcoming assignments. All I can say is thank goodness for my nextdoor neighbor and her kids because she helps to keep me sane and allows me to bring Eric over when I need to study when she's not working. By the same token I'm also glad to help her out and watch her two youngest when the two oldest ones aren't home so she can go to work for a few hours and earn some kind of money to help take care of the kids. I figure we help eachother out since she can't afford daycare and she can't afford to just stay home at least with some help she can afford to keep food on the table. She also asked me to help her get enrolled in college while her psycho husband/soon to be ex does his Army thing.*rolling my eyes* I figure if she can get into a certificate program maybe she can do medical transcription from home or something to this effect. She wants to try for her associates but that could be rough. I'll help her out as much as I can while Josh and I are still here but who knows what he'll have available for orders. He'd like to stay here. If that ends up being doable then I can finish school without stressing out and I can continue to help Sarah out. For the moment everything is wait and see.

The Invasion

My first set of inlaws have arrived. They got here and the first thing my FIL did was take over my livingroom television. I'm like fucking really???? You do the same shit at your own house. We come down to spend time with you and all you want to do is watch Golf, Football, or your son play video games on the TV. You come into my home and take over my primary living space. WTF is wrong with you? I think this is the last time we have a holiday at my home. I really do NOT like being invaded. Tomorrow everyone is taking off to go play golf and yay me I get to sit home with the baby all by myself. Fucking for real???? If I wanted to spend time by myself with my son, my husband could be at work. At this point I'm trying not to blow my stack. I thought the idea of them coming to spend time here was so that we could all do things as a family but apparently that isn't the case. Right now I'm just ready for them to go the hell home. I hope this is a shorter stay then they anticpated. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously what the hell is wrong with people these days. Everytime we go down to visit them its the same shit. Josh is expected to keep his father entertained and again we don't do much as a collective group. They go play golf, they go fishing they drink like fish and often times I'm not included and neither is Shirley. Tomorrow even Shirley is included in the time spent away from the house. Oh have they got a reality check coming when they get back tomorrow. Soon as they all walk in I'm walking out and I'm planning on staying gone for 4 hours.
Also in the last few hours there have been more dishes made then I can manage to make in two days all by myself. Grrrrrrrrrrr I'm just tired and annoyed at the situation right now. I'm hoping things mellow out some and go a bit smoother. Will be interesting to see how things go once Barb and Kevin get here just after Christmas with Josh's dad and stepmom still here. My house is going to be insane.

The latest

It's been a while since I blog about anything and there seems to be a lot going on with my life at the moment. Eric has become extremely mobile lately and refuses to have to stay in any contraption that confines him. He's at 19 lbs and he's been pulling himself into a standing position and creeping along the sofa. All I can say is wow. I have to laugh that a couple of months ago I had a Dr. ask me if my son was stacking blocks yet and at this point the fact that he's crawling and walking with help already is great. If he doesn't want to stack blocks then hell with it he doesn't have to stack blocks.

As for me I've made it through my first class without killing myself. Looks like I may even end up getting at least a B in the class. Next term should be hell. I'll be taking Statistics and Cognitive Behavioral Theory. I am so not ready for all of that. At this point I don't even have the energy right now to finish wrapping Christmas presents that are sitting boxed up right now. I also need to go and get a nail fill on my acrylics and haven't done that either. I'm getting ready to lose a fingernail if I don't get it taken care of.

Just another day in the life of a stay at home mom.

I'm helping out a friend who is at present a single mother of 4 and gets very little to no help with anything. I'm babysitting her two youngest so she can go out to work and make her rent. Waiting tables doesn't pay very much especially right now when folks are stressing going out to spend money. Let me tell you after the few days I've spent here taking care of her two who are actually pretty decent I'm more determined then ever that I really don't want three kids all around the same age romping around my house. Taking care of her two and nine for a few hours a day isn't too bad but having to deal with three all around the same age all the time every day would damn near kill me.

Can I get a break????

Wow it's totally unbelievable that now my husband is resorting to the same tactics as my sister. He doesn't like the fact that I wasn't in the mood to fuck so he throws a tantrum. Then he has the nerve to write a letter talking about how I'm compairing him to some guy in a damn novel. Could you be any more fucking ignorant and insecure??? Give me a break not everyone wants to have sex or fuck at the drop of a hat. This is the same man who acused me the entire time I was pregnant of cheating on him. Again the same man who insisted that the child who has his nose and his blood type and his family genetic disposition for hazel eyes isn't his. Why do people do this shit to eachother? Give me one damn good reason why I should want to fuck/have sex with a man who apparently doesn't trust or value me much. So now he's sitting at work stewing in his own self pity and anger for no damn reason. He'll do the oh so smart thing and come home with enough booze/beer/wine to get so drunk he'll be sick and of course he'll allow more stupid shit to come out of his mouth and then he'll either sleep in the other room or he'll decided he's going to come to bed and force himself on me. He's in for a really rude awakening if he even tries that shit. So at this point I don't have any family I can depend on for anything. Sad part is right now I don't have any money of my own. My Shares Certificate is tied up until the end of December. At this point I've been formulating a couple of things just in case I do have to leave. The closest people to me are my aunt and uncle in FL. God why does all this shit happen to me at once? Why am I always the one getting shit on from all sides at the same time? God it's going to be hell to have to start over with a small child.

For a guy who didn't like being labeled when we were dating and didn't like being acused of being a player/cheater he sure as hell has some damn nerve. He's acused me more then once or twice of having sex with someone else other then him. Sad part is at this point having sex is not very high on my priority list. I really have no big desire to have sex at all. It really has nothing specifically to do with him. It's OK for him to feel hurt because I don't want to have sex and because I say something to him about his 'weight belt' being unattractive. With all the times he's just jumped my bones without any damn thought to how I feel, doesn't matter if I'm not in the mood or in pain as long as he gets the gratification he wants. We go round and round like this so many times its not even funny. He has his moments where he's like the guy I dated back in IL and then he just asumes that because we're married I'm supposed to just be readily available for him any time he wants. What about what I fucking want? Apparently that doesn't matter.

I'm done being an enabler

I've unfortunately been enabling my family to be abusive towards me. All they do is use and take from one another and then have the nerve to talk shit about each other behind their backs. It's just amazing to me how no one can be happy that I didn't repeat the cycle of no life, no job, no where to go but down in my life.

I never chose to be brought in to this world my parents made that choice to have a child. They chose to live a life that was beyond their means to live. I'm not the one who ran up all their debt. I'm not the one who was driving around in their used cars that were in constant need of repair. I wasn't the one buying needless jewelry to try and keep a relationship going that never should have been in the first place.

I have to laugh at my sister's absolute ignorance on how things were and what was going on in the house. She apparently didn't know what the hell was going on in my life at home since her first reaction was to tell me that I know nothing about her life. She calls me a coward for joining the military in order to keep from being in a pit of hell like my parents and sister are in. At age 22 pretty much fresh out of college with only a 2 year degree, no money and no job. Oh yeah and I didn't have my license or a car either. Who the hell was going to pay for any of that if I stuck around. Mom???? Dad??? My sister??? I don't think so, and if any of them did pay for me to be able to get back and forth to work it would come at some price, constant nagging, constantly being put down, always something.

My relationship with my mother wasn't the greatest. She spent a lot of time burning bridges and being miserable. She never had a good word to say and anything I did was never good enough. My father was ok to talk to and express how I felt but as he gets older and continues to live in that liberal mind set that somebody somewhere owes him something because he had such a hard life. Well fucking BOO HOO, you have problems change the situation make it better, don't just settle. Break the cycle, change the behaviors and attitudes.

Amazing how I always hear the BS from my parents about how irresponsible my sister is with money or how self centered she is and how she only calls when she wants or needs something from someone. Now all of a sudden she's telling me that my parents think I'm self centered and how the only one I ever think about is myself. Yeah thats why I went home for Christmas while I was very pregnant and my mother even got on my case because I didn't set up my plans to be with her as soon as I landed. Then I went home again in Sept. for the Christening ceremony for my nephews and ya know what I was the one who bought them all their outfits. Not my sister, not any of the other godparents but me. Amazing how self centered I am. I call my sister to see how she's doing and the kids are doing and one of the first things she tells me is man I'm so broke, I can't even get the kids anything for their birthdays. So me being the selfish snobby bitch that I am turn around and tell her don't worry about it I'll pick each one of them up an outfit to wear, again because I'm so self centered and only think of myself. So there I am at Walmart picking up EVERYTHING, gift bags, tissue paper, birthday cards two of everything so that she can give them each something from herself and Jimmy and one set for each of them from Josh and myself. But you know I"m so full of myself I don't ever think of anyone else.

Eh well fuck em all let them all drown in all their own bullshit, poverty, and self pity.