I've unfortunately been enabling my family to be abusive towards me. All they do is use and take from one another and then have the nerve to talk shit about each other behind their backs. It's just amazing to me how no one can be happy that I didn't repeat the cycle of no life, no job, no where to go but down in my life.
I never chose to be brought in to this world my parents made that choice to have a child. They chose to live a life that was beyond their means to live. I'm not the one who ran up all their debt. I'm not the one who was driving around in their used cars that were in constant need of repair. I wasn't the one buying needless jewelry to try and keep a relationship going that never should have been in the first place.
I have to laugh at my sister's absolute ignorance on how things were and what was going on in the house. She apparently didn't know what the hell was going on in my life at home since her first reaction was to tell me that I know nothing about her life. She calls me a coward for joining the military in order to keep from being in a pit of hell like my parents and sister are in. At age 22 pretty much fresh out of college with only a 2 year degree, no money and no job. Oh yeah and I didn't have my license or a car either. Who the hell was going to pay for any of that if I stuck around. Mom???? Dad??? My sister??? I don't think so, and if any of them did pay for me to be able to get back and forth to work it would come at some price, constant nagging, constantly being put down, always something.
My relationship with my mother wasn't the greatest. She spent a lot of time burning bridges and being miserable. She never had a good word to say and anything I did was never good enough. My father was ok to talk to and express how I felt but as he gets older and continues to live in that liberal mind set that somebody somewhere owes him something because he had such a hard life. Well fucking BOO HOO, you have problems change the situation make it better, don't just settle. Break the cycle, change the behaviors and attitudes.
Amazing how I always hear the BS from my parents about how irresponsible my sister is with money or how self centered she is and how she only calls when she wants or needs something from someone. Now all of a sudden she's telling me that my parents think I'm self centered and how the only one I ever think about is myself. Yeah thats why I went home for Christmas while I was very pregnant and my mother even got on my case because I didn't set up my plans to be with her as soon as I landed. Then I went home again in Sept. for the Christening ceremony for my nephews and ya know what I was the one who bought them all their outfits. Not my sister, not any of the other godparents but me. Amazing how self centered I am. I call my sister to see how she's doing and the kids are doing and one of the first things she tells me is man I'm so broke, I can't even get the kids anything for their birthdays. So me being the selfish snobby bitch that I am turn around and tell her don't worry about it I'll pick each one of them up an outfit to wear, again because I'm so self centered and only think of myself. So there I am at Walmart picking up EVERYTHING, gift bags, tissue paper, birthday cards two of everything so that she can give them each something from herself and Jimmy and one set for each of them from Josh and myself. But you know I"m so full of myself I don't ever think of anyone else.
Eh well fuck em all let them all drown in all their own bullshit, poverty, and self pity.
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